Vena Cava
by TheQuickRedScout
Summary: "Vhat kind of lengths must I go to to make you love me?" I didn't know the answer to his question, but he would make me answer soon enough. My life became a mess when I got involved with the BLU Medic. My first multi-chapter fic! MxM pairing(s).
1. Encounter

I stood in a hidden area of the RED base. Clutching my side, I looked around frantically. I couldn't heal myself, but I'm a Medic. So the only thing I could do was wait to gain back my strength. None of my teammates needed me at the moment, so I could rest for now. I slid down the wall and breathed heavily and uneven. The bleeding in my side was beginning to stop and I felt a little better the longer I waited.

I heard the footsteps of heavy boots coming around the corner. I struggled to stand on my feet, one hand on the wall and the other still pressed against me. I limped in the opposite direction of the footsteps, but I wasn't quick enough before they were right behind me.

A pair of hands grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around. They pinned me to the wall I used for support. My eyes were shut, and I was silently begging whoever the hands belonged to would spare my life.

I opened my eyes finally and looked up at who had captured me. It was my BLU counterpart. He seemed as if he wanted to kill me right this moment. He's a combat Medic, unlike me. His strength and speed was impressive, but he was terrifying. I shrank back when his intimidating gaze met my own eyes.

"Vhat are you doing all zhe vay over here?" The BLU asked me. What kind of question is that? Why did he care?

"I... I vas in pain..." I answered. I tore away from his gaze to glance at my wound, which healed. He let go of me and straightened the bow tie on his Uncivil Servant. He clearly didn't believe me.

"I see..." He said. "You seem fine now, yes?"

I nodded.

"Vell zhen..." He reached for his Amputator that was hidden from view before.

"N-No, bitte don't hurt me!" I pleaded. He ignored me and pressed the blade against my healed side, threatening to open the wound back up.

He seemed to consider it for a second, but the blade stayed in its place. "You know, I really should kill you. Such a helpless young Medic you are." He chuckled and the saw began to move carefully. "But..." The BLU added "I like you. And maybe ve should get to know each ozher. How about zhis: Ve vill meet in my office tomorrow night at nine."

I didn't respond right away. It was so sudden of an offer-well, more of a command-that I wasn't sure of what to say. I wanted to say no, but I knew what answer he was looking for.

I gasped when his saw began to dig into my tender flesh. "Is zhat a yes?" He asked harshly.

"Y-Yes..." I said quickly. The BLU smiled and lowered the Amputator and tucked it away in his coat. I rubbed at my side which was once again stinging with pain. I didn't meet his eyes.

"You know where my office is, yes?" He asked me. "I zhink so..." I replied.

"Good. I'll see you later." He waved at me before running off onto the field.

"Medic!" I heard the RED Scout call out. I hoisted up my Medigun and ran to his aid. I healed him right before the Announcer told us we won the match. The whole team cheered as we headed back to the RED base.

"Whot's tha matter with ya, Doc? We won!" Sniper said to me.

"Oh, I'm fine..." I said back. As everyone else met up in the rec room for a celebration, I headed to my office and sat in my chair. I sighed. Tomorrow night is going to be a long night.


	2. Jude

I had a long, sleepless night of reviewing paperwork and thinking about my meeting tomorrow. My eyes skimmed page after page, looking over various blood pressure numbers, names of medications, types of treatments... Everything that my team needed. I thoroughly read through each profile once more before taking a look at the clock. It was 1:30 in the morning. I rummaged through my desk drawers for my caffeine pills. Maybe a few of them should help. But after I took them I felt worse. I sighed heavily as I shoved all the papers aside and put my head down on my desk.

"Zhis vork vill never get done..." I mumbled. My mind was always full of 'remember to do this!' and 'don't forget that!' Most of my nights I spend more time worrying and less time sleeping. But isn't that what you have to do if you want to keep a job? The more things I thought about, the more I dozed off and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

When morning came, I felt something draped over me. It was a blanket. I lifted my head up from my desk and saw a mug of coffee sitting on a pile of my medical textbooks in the corner of my eye. Who did this for me? I kept the blanket around me as I sat up in my office chair and yawned. There was a note next to the mug.

_"You work too much, Doc. Get some sleep once in a while._

_-Jude"_

I sipped the coffee and sighed. Jude is certainly unlike any Sniper I've ever met. He was indeed very sweet and kind, uncharacteristically so for a Sniper. I'd have to thank him later for the gesture. After I finished the coffee, I folded the blanket and set it on my desk and headed to the mess hall.

"Hey Doc!" Jude said waving at me. He patted the seat next to him. I nodded at him and smiled as I grabbed a plate and piled food on it.

"How are ya this mornin'?" Jude asked me when I sat down.

"I'm fine" I replied. Jude made a happy sound as he brushed his long dark blonde bangs out of his face.

"Oh! A-And zhank you for zhe coffee." I added.

"No problem. Ya needed it" Jude said, pulling his hair back into a ponytail. How did his hair grow so long?

We ate in silence for a while with the rest of the team, which slowly filed out one by one. Jude offered to take my dishes for me when we were done, to which I said yes. I got up to leave when he stopped me.

"Hey, um, Doc?" He said quietly.

I turned to him. "Yes?"

"Uh... Could we maybe meet up later? After dinner?"

I almost said yes, until I remembered I had agreed to meet with the BLU Medic tonight.

"Uh... I can't. Not tonight..." I said regretfully. Jude's face fell slightly at my answer. "Oh... Okay." He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a weak laugh. "Well, we should go get ready then." I nodded. He followed me to the weapons room.

"So ya got work to do tonight?" Jude asked me. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He was wiping off his blade.

"Vhy do you ask?" I asked him, going back to checking my Medigun.

"Oi dunno..." He said with a sigh. I shrugged.

"Mission begins in 10 seconds!" The Announcer boomed over the PA. I hopped up from my seat and headed out.

"Come on, Herr Sniper!" I called out to Jude. Jude followed me.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Begin!"


	3. Hans and Christof

When the match started, the first thing I did was trail behind Heavy. He depended on me the most, since he _was _our biggest teammate. The empty field immediately fills up with the sounds of screams and gunshots. It gave me a sort of adrenaline that never got old.

Heavy and I became invincible when I Ubercharged him, and we plowed through endless amounts of BLU bodies. He laughed and chanted manically, yelling taunts at the opposite team. I turned off my Medigun and gave Heavy a pat on the back.

"Ve have done good" I told him with a smile. He laughed.

"We make good team, Doctor!"

I heard a scream from the RED Soldier suddenly. "I have to go" I told Heavy. He responded with a firm nod. I ran off to find Soldier, who was holding his arm in place. I turned on my Medigun and healed him with its rays.

"Oh, thanks Doc!" Soldier stood at attention. I smiled at him and ran off to find others to heal. As I ran past the BLU respawn, I felt someone grab my arm. They pulled me into the respawn and threw me against the wall. I struggled to get out of their grasp, but soon they pinned down both of my arms... I should have known it was him...

Once again, my BLU counterpart and I met. He gave me a sickening grin. "Hello zhere. How are you?"

"How am I? How _am_ I? Vhat kind of question is zhat?! I'm pinned against a gott verdamnt wall!" I yelled at him, angered by his question.

"Oh hush vith zhat language, mein puppe~ It's a terrible turn-off..." He mocked.

I felt my cheeks redden. "You are sick..." I said looking away from him.

"You are too cute." The BLU said with a chuckle. He became serious for a moment. "So, about tonight... You _are_ still coming, right?" He unhanded me and stepped back.

"Y-Yes, I am" I hesitated.

"Good." He began backing away from me, pulling out his Amputator. "I'll be seeing you zhen." And with that, he winked at me and turned on his heel and raced off. That wink gave me a weird feeling inside... I shook my head of the thought and took off onto the field.

* * *

The rest of the match seemed practically endless. It didn't help that we had three more. But luckily near the end of the fourth match, stalemate was called. I was dying to take a shower and just go to sleep. Jude caught up to me when I was in the locker room. We had lockers next to each other.

"Heya, Doc" he grinned. "Thank God for a stalemate, eh?"

"Yes, very much" I answered him as I unbuttoned my coat and undid my bow tie. I took out a fresh pair of clothes from my locker.

"So, um... Ya sure ya got lots of work to do tonight?" Jude asked, letting his hair cascade out of the ponytail he had it in.

"Yes. It's... Very important zhat I get it done..." I lied. Jude only nodded. "Uh... V-Vell, we can meet anozher time if you'd like.." I added quickly.

"Nah, it's okay. Wasn't that important anyways..." He gave a sad smile. I felt bad because it was _obviously _something important, or else he wouldn't have been so discouraged.

"Oh... Alright zhen" I said. "I'll see you at dinner?"

That made his face light up a little. "Yeah."

I smiled at him and headed to the showers.

* * *

At dinner, I sat with Jude as usual, as well as the rest of the team. I excused myself early so hopefully everyone else was still eating when I retreated to my room, which was connected to my office. I looked through my closet, trying to find something a little more decent to wear. I settled for simple dress pants and argyle sweater vest. I viewed myself in my full-length mirror. This was fine for now. The clock on my nightstand said it was only 7:00. I pondered what to do for the time being. I shrugged and decided to do more work in my office.

As time past by, it was almost 9:00, and nightfall had come outside. I took a look outside of my window. No one was around, RED or BLU, but I'd see for sure when I went out. I shut off the lights in my office and peered out of the door down the hallway. No one was there, good. I closed the door carefully behind me and headed out of the RED base onto the field.

Sneaking around wasn't something I was good at, but I managed to get by with no one seeing me. I found BLU's office and rapped on the door quietly.

The door opened. "Ah, zhere you are." The Medic said in a soft tone. He pulled me inside by the wrist. "You know, you're early mein liebe. I've missed you."

"Uh... It vasn't zhat long ago since battle..." I said a little confused.

"Absence makes zhe heart grow fonder~"

It was awfully dark in his office except for the moon and a couple of lamps outside. He switched on the lights then, and I could finally see him. He was wearing a dark blue vest and white shirt underneath with the sleeves rolled up, revealing his toned biceps. I hated to admit that he was a bit attractive.

"Do you like vhat you see?" He said with a raised eyebrow, crossing his arms. Oh gosh, I didn't realize I had been staring... He smirked at my lack of response and sat at his desk.

"So, vhat is your name?" He asked me, and prompting me to pull up a chair.

"Isn't zhat somezhing we aren't supposed to discuss?" Was my reply.

He huffed. "Let's put it zhis vay: My name is Hans. And you are...?"

"C-Christof... My name is Christof..." I said quietly. He nodded.

"Now, Christof. Do you know vhy you are here?"

"No...?"

"Zhen I'll tell you. I vanted you here because I like you. I like you a lot. Maybe you have noticed in zhe past couple days, yes?"

I nodded. I didn't exactly take his advances as a sign of him liking me...

"Vell, I vant to get to know you better. I vant _us_ to know more about eachozher. I vant... A sort of connection between us." He rose from his chair and began walking towards me at a slow pace. "You may not, but I do. Tell me, Christof... Are you looking for someone to love? To protect you und care for you?"

I backed away as he came closer, and before I knew it, I was yet again against the wall. He had his hands pressed on the wall on either side of me.

"Don't you vant someone to hold? Someone to hold _you?_" Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear... "Someone to make love with?" He let out a soft moan that nearly made my heart melt. "Because I do..."

My breaths were short and uneven and I shook visibly. I didn't know if I was afraid or feeling something else entirely. I could leave right now if I wanted to, just duck my head out from under his arms and leave. But I wasn't sure if that would get me killed or not. Hans' breath was on my neck and he breathed heavily in my ear. I supposed he was waiting for an answer...

"So... Vhat are you trying to say?" I asked him.

He then looked me in the eyes with lust. "I'm saying kiss me, you dummkopf!"

Before I knew it, Hans had yanked me forward by my waist and pressed his lips hard on mine. I tried to break the kiss by pulling away, but he only followed. He broke it after a few seconds, leaving both of us breathless.

Hans licked his lips. "Finally."

I felt immediate disgust and slapped him hard across the face. It was such a sudden action that it felt involuntary. The BLU held his reddened cheek in one hand, a displeased smile beginning to grow. He laughed darkly.

"You don't know vhat kind of mistake you just made, mein puppe..."

"Is zhat all you vant me for is sex?! You pervert!" I shouted at him. I stormed towards the door. "Mark my vords: I vill never love you." My hand was on the doorknob.

"Und you mark _my_ vords, _Christof_..." He spat my name, gritting his teeth. "You vill be mine one day. Even if I must kill everyone you love to get to you." He narrowed his eyes at me. "Gute nacht, Christof."

I sighed in anger and left.

* * *

What a waste of my time! I could have gotten so much work done if it hadn't been for him! I didn't care if I was seen by anyone, I just wanted to sleep at this point. When I reached my office, I didn't bother to turn on the lights. I searched through my desk drawers and found my sleeping pills. I took about five of them and headed to my room. I set my glasses on the nightstand and plopped face-down onto my bed, not even making an effort to change into sleepwear. I hoped I would fall asleep fast and forget about this night.


	4. Confession

When I woke up the next morning, I didn't feel like getting up. How long had I been asleep? I rolled over on my side and took a look at the clock on my nightstand... The match had started two hours ago! I rushed to put on my clothes and ran out of my office... It was awfully silent for a battle to be going on, however... I slowed my pace a little. Walking down the hallway, I heard the television on in the rec room, and what sounded like Scout laughing loudly along with Heavy and Soldier. I stood in the doorway, confused.

"Uh... Vhat's going on, you guys? Isn't zhere a match today?" I asked none of them in particular.

Scout, sitting on the couch, turned to me with his arms thrown over the back of it. "We got the day off today. No one told ya?"

"Vell, no..." I sighed.

"You can take the day to finally relax now, Doc!" Scout said with a smile.

I gave him a nod. "...Do you know vhere Sniper is?" I guess this would be a good day to talk to him.

Heavy spoke up. "Da. He's in van."

"O-Okay... Zhank you." I went off to find Jude.

* * *

I walked the steps up to Jude's van and knocked on the door. He opened it, and he grinned. His hair was disheveled and his shirt was slightly unbuttoned.

"Hey, what's up? Don't mind the hair" Jude said, embarrassed.

I laughed at him. "I take it zhat you just voke up?"

"Yeah..." He stepped to the side. "Come in, please."

I stepped inside the van. It was small and cramped, but it was meant for one person, most likely. Jude sat on his bed, making room for me to sit as well. I sat next to him with my hands folded in my lap.

"I'm sorry I couldn't meet with you last night..." I said apologetically.

" 'S okay, Chris" The Sniper said, using my real name. "Uh... L-Listen..."

I sat quietly, waiting for him to say something.

"We... We've known each other for a long time... And...In this time, Oi feel like..."- he ran a hand through his hair-"Oi think we..."

"Yes?" I said softly, leaning in. "Vhat is it?"

"Oi... Oi dunno how to say it..." Jude sighed. "M...Maybe we should do this some other time..."

"No, tell me" I said as I looked into his eyes, which were a deep forest green. Jude took hold of my hands. My eyes widened as he leaned in and kissed my lips. I was still kind of freaked out from what happened last night, but I was okay with it. As long as it was with someone I cared about. I felt Jude's hands slide up to my chest and push me down gently onto his bed. His lips were massaging mine now and it was too much... It felt so good that I hadn't realized I was holding my breath.

Jude broke the kiss and hovered over me. He had a certain look in his eyes. It almost seemed as if that look was begging me to give him a chance. I stared up at him, and questioned him with only a look.

"Oi didn't know what else to do..." He sat up then. I saw panic taking over his features.

Now it was my turn to sit up. I leaned in and took his face in my hands. "How long have you vanted to do zhat?"

Jude wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his chin on my shoulder. "For a really long time..." I heard the smile in his voice.

"Oh, Jude..." I hugged him tightly. "You didn't have to vait so long to tell me..."

We lied down on the small bed (Jude was practically on top of me), and we didn't say anything for a while.

"... Can Oi ask ya somethin'?" The Sniper spoke up. I nodded.

"Do ya think... That maybe we'd have a chance together?"

I didn't have an answer. Well, I did, but I knew it wouldn't be the right one. How easy it would be to just tell him yes. But of course, something like this just _couldn't_ be that easy. I couldn't tell him yes to just make him happy. I had to _mean_ it, and that was my problem. Jude had the sort of personality that could make anyone fall in love with him. Including me. But love is such a complicated and strong emotion. I feel like if I say that I _love_ Jude, it wouldn't be true. I'd be lying to him and myself.

I did the best I could to lie on my side. Jude got the message and lied beside me. I didn't want to look him in the eyes.

"Jude..." I began. "I... I zhink ve _do_ have a chance, I really do. But... Do you really vant to be in a relationship vith someone like me?"

I hear Jude sit up. "Wot do ya mean?" He asked quietly.

"Vhat I'm trying to say is zhat... I like you in zhe vay you like me. But to actually _show_ it und pretend not to care about vhat ozhers may zhink of us... It's too _much_ to zhink about. I'm not ready for zhat kind of commitment. Und... I also don't vant you to get hurt."

"Oi... Oh..." I heard Jude sigh and lie back down.

I turned to him. "I'm sorry." I put a hand on his shoulder. "But... Ve can still be friends... Right?"

"... Y-Yeah..." He gave a forced smile. "Oi get what you're tryin' to say..."

That only made me feel worse. I didn't know what else I could say to make him feel better, although I didn't think anything else would. I sat up on the edge of the bed.

"Uh... I zhink I should leave now..." I said nervously.

"Oh... Okay..." Jude didn't look at me. He only stared at the ceiling. I stood and walked out of the door.

Walking down the steps, I heard someone (or something?) running off. It sounded like it came from behind the van... I glanced around, startled. I stood in my place and wrung my hands together, a feeling of dread growing inside me. Someone had been listening to our converstion...

"H-Hello...?" I called out. No answer. I shoved my hands in my pockets and began walking at a fast pace.

I didn't care who it was, as long as they didn't hurt Jude.

* * *

**Third Person POV**

"So... I zhink I know why zhat Medic has been denying your advances..." The rogue man said, his face masked by the darkness in the BLU Medic's office.

Hans hummed in amusement. "Oh? And vhat did you find out?"

"It seems zhat he has an interest in zhe Sniper instead." The other man said, illuminating his once hidden face with the glow of his cigarette. "But he told him he is not interested in being in a relationship."

"Hm... Vell, if zhat's zhe case... Bring zhe Medic to me." Hans sat back in his office chair with his hands folded in front of him.

"Right away, sir" the shadowed man nodded.

"But... Not just yet. I'm sure he's suspicious of you now. Vait until he least expects it."

The shadowed man nodded again.

Hans gave a dark grin. "Good. Zhat is all, Louis."

With the dismissal, Louis cloaked and disappeared from the dark office.

"Ve shall see how much zhat Sniper is villing to fight for my Medic."


	5. Resolve

The next day was... Awkward. Jude and I sat across from each other at breakfast instead of next to, which raised some suspicion from a few of our teammates. We didn't exchange looks or say anything before the match started. We kept to ourselves on the field as well: I stuck to healing while he stuck to sniping. Jude would keep his eye on anyone in his scope that was following me and take them down. He still did this today, but we didn't give each other a smile of approval like usual.

This was my fault. If I just would have said yes, we wouldn't be so uncomfortable around each other like we are now. Jude told me he understood why I didn't want to be with him, but I knew it hurt him when I said it. I have to talk to him to see if he's okay...

When we had a few minutes left in the match, I looked up at Jude's usual hiding spot. Good, he was still there. I made sure no one was watching me before climbing up the dusty rocks and walking through a long dark tunnel. At the end of the tunnel, there was a large wooden door. I knocked on it, feeling nervous.

"Jude... I-It's me, Christof... Can I talk to you?"

I heard footsteps on the other side. The door opened just enough for Jude to see me.

"Are Ya really Chris?" He said plainly.

I nodded. He opened the door for me to come in. I sat in the corner near the only window in the small room. Jude sat down under the window, making himself hidden if anyone looked into it.

"So, wot did ya wanna see me for?" Jude asked as he took off his sunglasses and pinched the bridge of his nose.

He seemed like he didn't want to talk. I didn't want to either, but it was the only way of finding out if he was alright. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him everyday and avoiding him knowing something is wrong.

"Jude, are you alright?" I turned my whole body towards him. My eyes practically bored into the side of his head.

"Wot are ya askin' that for?" He looked at me then, his own eyes reflecting the same amount of worry as mine.

I broke the gaze. "Vell, after vhat happened... Yesterday..."

"Well, Oi told ya Oi was..." He shrugged.

I reached out to Jude and put a hand on his arm. "No. Somezhing's vrong." I sighed and moved my hand down to rest on top of his. "Look, Jude... I care about you. Und I vorry about you all zhe time, even vhen zhere is no match going on. Don't zhink I don't care about you just because I don't vant a relationship." I squeezed his hand. "Over zhe years, I feel some sort of connection has grown between us. Somezhing I've never experienced vith anyvone."

Jude smiled. "Ya... Ya really mean all that?"

"Of course I do" I pulled him close. "I love you, Jude."

Jude hugged me back tightly. "Ya don't know how long Oi've wanted to hear those words from ya... Oi... Oi love ya too."

Saying that I loved Jude felt better than I thought it would. And I _meant_ it. I can't believe he waited so long for me to say those four simple words. And to have that kind of patience with someone like me was incredible. It made me fall in love with him even more.

* * *

I didn't even hear which team had won, but climbing back down from Jude's hideout, it was obvious we did. There was no cheering or shooting off guns in the air. You could just tell by everyone's faces.

There was an all around good mood everywhere I went in the base that night. So much of it that I even decided to take a break from doing paperwork. I just wanted to relax.

I went to my room and lied down on my bed. I only wanted to rest my eyes, but I ended up falling asleep in a few minutes.

This was definitely one of my better days.


	6. Cut

I was unusually happy for the next few days. My job had been pretty stressful lately. But right now, it felt like the first time in years that I truly enjoyed doing what I do. On the field, I laughed along with Heavy when we were Ubercharged. I felt almost intoxicated by the refreshing rays of my Medigun. I sighed in satisfaction after the effect had worn off.

"Ve did good today, Heavy, ja?" I smiled widely at him.

"Da, Doktor, very good!" He exclaimed happily. I patted his back and ran off.

I saw Soldier in the distance screaming in pain.

"Hang on, Soldier!" I rushed towards him and kneeled by his side. I was about to heal him when a rocket from the BLU Soldier nearly hit me.

"Let's go somevhere else..." I told Soldier. He nodded and I helped him up with him leaning on me for support. We reached an area behind a large rock that would be a safe place for now. I switched on my Medigun and began healing Soldier.

"Thanks, Doc!" Soldier thanked me, rubbing his now healed arm.

You're velcome!" I grinned at him. He ran off with his shovel shouting his war cry.

"Medic! Doc!" I heard Scout nearby. I ran to his aid, making sure I didn't get hit along the way. He clutched his abdomen and coughed violently.

"Damn Spy tried ta cut me in half!" He said angrily, literally trying to hold himself together.

That wasn't just a normal cut from a Spy. It went all the way through Scout. And it was deep... Like someone really _did_ try to cut him open...

"... Are you sure it vas a Spy?" I asked Scout as I healed him.

"I-I think..." He said. My Medigun cleared up most of the damage, but it wasn't good enough.

I turned off the Medigun. I needed to find out more about this."See me after dinner tonight in my office..." I said with concern.

Scout nodded and went on his way. That was weird. If it really _was_ a Spy, what could he have used to cut so deep? I'd have to examine Scout's wound later.

The rest of the match continued on as usual. And I thanked the heavens I didn't see that Medic anywhere.

* * *

We lost the match today. But I wasn't really worried about it. In fact, no one seemed to care. I showered, got dressed, and went to dinner.

No one was talking, which was normal for my team, but usually there would be short conversations here and there. Tonight, everyone stayed silent. No one seemed angry or upset either. I looked over at Jude, who was sitting next to me. He looked just as confused as I was. What was going on?

Afterwords, everyone filed out into their own rooms or either the rec room. I found Scout lying on the table in the rec room, tossing a baseball into the air. He stopped when I came into the room.

"Oh, hey Doc" he sat up. "Sorry, I forgot."

"It's fine. Come vith me now?" I asked.

Scout stood from his spot and followed me to my office.

"Vell, for zhe most part, you seem fine." I told Scout. "Vital signs are normal, organs are in place, and your bones are intact. But I just can't seem to figure out how you were cut so deeply..." I said to Scout while reading over his papers once more.

"I know it was a Spy 'cos he came up behind me outta nowhere. But... I don't think he was usin' a normal knife like most Spies..." Scout said, poking at the scar on his abdomen.

I raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yeah... But I don't remember what it looked like..." Scout said.

"Zhat's fine." I told him. "Vell, I guess you're free to go now, since I can't find anyzhing wrong..."

"Alright, Doc. Thanks." He gave a slight smile at me before hopping off the exam table and leaving.

I sighed when the door closed and sat in my chair. Scout said that wasn't a normal knife that Spy used on him. I believed it. My Medigun can virtually heal any wound, but not that one. Never have I healed a teammate and only a scar was left behind. Whatever that weapon was, it did more than just cut.

I decided to sleep on the thought. Maybe I'd ask our Spy about it tomorrow.

* * *

The next morning, I got dressed and went to breakfast. Halfway through my meal, I noticed a seat was empty.

"Uh... Has anyone seen Scout?" I asked the table worriedly.

"Haven't seen 'im since last night." Engineer spoke up. "Said he wasn't feelin' well so he went to bed."

"Oh..." I said. I felt the worry sink in the more I thought about it. "Um... E-Excuse me..." I stood up and headed to Scout's room. Rushing down the hallway, my mind filled with thoughts of 'what-ifs' and 'how-comes.' I tried to calm myself down when I reached his door. I knocked on it.

"Scout? Are you alright?" I called through the door. No answer. I opened it...

Scout was lying in his bed with his back turned to the door. I walked over to him and kneeled down.

"Scout..." I whispered, shaking him lightly. His body felt light... and his skin was cool. I turned him over...

Scout's eyes were glazed over, and all the color drained from his face. I jumped back in fear and disgust.

"_Scheiße_..." I said, my hand covering my mouth and my breathing was heavy. I felt sick, like I wanted to vomit at the sight before me. I backed away into the wall behind me for support.

I knew something wrong with him last night. Even though those scans and tests showed nothing out of the ordinary. But there was nothing else I could've done...

Scout was dead.


	7. Trick

Respawn wouldn't pick up his body, since this death most likely occurred overnight. The system shuts off around 6:00 pm everyday, or whenever a match ends. And it stays off during vacations and ceasefires. It makes sense, since there's no reason to revive a dead body if there's no match going on. You just have to make sure you aren't dying or dead after the respawn system shuts off for the day. I'd have to call Replacement Services later and tell them we need a new Scout. They'd handle the body from there.

I took a look at Scout's body once more. My eyebrows furrowed at what I saw. From his mouth, nose, and where he was cut, there was a sort of greenish fluid leaking from each. It looked almost neon. I decided to swab a few samples from each area and examine them later. I went to my office and grabbed a few cotton swabs and some microscope slides.

I went back and swabbed the areas and put them on the slides.

"Hey, Doc. Match starts in five." I heard Jude say walking by the door.

"Okay" I answered back. I made a quick stop back to my office to drop off the samples before the match.

* * *

During today's match, as I was making my way through the sewers to the surface, I felt a chill rush down my spine. I shivered and thought it was just wind signaling I was getting closer, so I just kept walking.

"Do not run avay from me, dear" A voice whispered in my ear. I screamed and started trudging through the water. But the arms that belonged to the voice grabbed me by the waist. They pushed me against the wall of the sewers. My heart was pounding...

"Non, my dear. Stay right here and listen to me." They gave a mocking chuckle. I was afraid for my life at this point. I knew who it was by now, and I prayed to any deity he wouldn't kill me like he had with Scout. I gave up on trying to defend myself and stayed still.

"Did you find anyzhing... Interesting about your Scout after I sliced him open yesterday?" The cloaked Spy's tone was still calm. I only swallowed and kept quiet.

"I am afraid I did not hear your answer, sweetheart." He kissed my neck and his gloved hands slid down my thighs.

"B-Bitte... I don't vant zhis..." I said in embarrassment.

"Zhen answer my question." The Spy said a little more harshly.

"J-Ja... I did..." I stuttered.

He laughed and let go of me, and I exhaled a breath I didn't even remember holding.

"Good. Just remember to behave yourself. So you von't end up like him."

I stood still and nodded nervously.

"Adieu, my sweetheart." The Spy leaned up and pressed his lips on mine in a messy kiss, with teeth and tongue. And before I knew it, he had left. I wiped at my mouth in disgust thinking that would get rid of the taste of cigarettes.

I just wanted this day to end.

* * *

The Announcer told us we had the day off tomorrow. I was relieved. I really needed a break. After dinner, I called Replacement Services and told them we needed a new Scout. I heard one of them in the background saying something about how 'it's always a Scout' and 'all the other replacements are going to be out of jobs at this rate.' The man I spoke with said a new Scout would be here in a few weeks and they would pick up the other Scout's body tomorrow. I thanked him and hung up.

I studied those samples under the microscope earlier, before I made the call. It definitely was a toxic substance, but obviously one I haven't seen before. It wasn't any sort of bacteria or virus, thank goodness, but it would be best the rest of the team kept their hands off of it before we all have to be replaced.

I heard a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I called.

"It's Jude." I heard him say.

"Come in."

Jude opened the door and closed it behind him. I looked up from my notes to see him. "Vell?"

"... Our Scout is dead?" He looked at me like he was about to cry. I got out of my chair and walked over to him.

"Jude, look-" I began.

"Whoi didn't ya tell anyone? Whoi didn't ya tell _me_?" He interrupted. He started tearing up and covered his mouth with his hands.

"Jude..." I put my hands on his shoulders. "It's a lot to explain..."

He said nothing.

"Just... Sit vith me." I put an arm around him and led him to my desk. "So... Just to you know, I tried to save him. I ran several tests, but I found nozhing wrong." I sat down in my chair. "I _promise_ you I didn't know he vas going to die."

Jude stood in front of my desk and nodded, still looking afraid.

"Und... Zhe reason vhy I didn't tell anyvone vas because... Vhatever may have killed him is dangerous to zhe rest of us. It's not a virus, it's not a bacteria. Just... A toxin."

"But... Wot happened?" Jude seemed to be calming down.

"On zhe field, Scout told me he was stabbed. Vell, cut, by a Spy. He may have used zhe toxin on his blade." I paused. "Promise me, Jude..." I reached my arms across my desk and held his hands in mine, tugging on them just a little so he would lean forward.

"Promise me you'll stay avay from him. Zhis Spy is dangerous, und ve have no idea vhat he is capable of." I looked down at our hands. "Bitte... Please..."

"Oi will. But what if he gets me?"

"Don't say zhat!" I snapped suddenly. "_Please_ don't say zhat..."

"Oi'm sorry, Oi... Oi just don't wanna die... Oi wouldn't know wot to do if he got me. Oi mean, Oi'm used to seein' all the dead bodies lyin' around on the field... But that's the thing. Too used to bein' respawned..."

I thought for a moment. Jude was right. More than right. Out of all nine of us (well, eight now), none of us had even the slightest idea of what it would feel like to truly be dead. It just became a thought that occurred less and less the longer we stayed here in 2fort. It never dawned on me until now...

I sighed. "Vell... I'm not in charge of zhe respawn system. I vouldn't zhink about it so much..." I was too deep in thought to say anything worth hearing.

"It's not that simple... But okay..." Jude let go of my hands and started heading towards the door. "Oi might be comin' back later to check on ya.."

"Okay" I smiled at him just a little before he left.

* * *

I took a walk outside a few hours later. It was getting dark, but I'd make it back to my office before it got_ too_ dark...

"Hey Doc!" I heard behind me.

"Jude?" I stopped walking and turned to him. "Vhat are you doing out here so late? You're usually in your van..."

"Y-Yeah well... Didn't find ya in your office, so..." He shrugged. He seemed to get over our conversation earlier pretty quickly...

I nodded slowly. "Uh huh..."

"Um... C-Can I walk with ya? It's getting dark out..." He asked me.

Something was weird. "Vell, I-I vas actually heading back to my office..." I started walking again.

"Aw come on, Doc!" He grabbed my arm. "Please, sweetheart?"

Sweetheart? Oh... This wasn't Jude at all...

"You're zhat Spy from earlier!" I panicked.

He chuckled in a dark tone and held a tighter grip on my arm. He revealed his true self. "Zhat vas a mistake on my part. I gave myself away..."

"Vhat are you doing?! Let go of me!" I was becoming hysterical now.

"Non, my dear. You must come vith me." He started dragging me to the BLU base. I dug the heels of my boots into the dirt.

"Oh. You seem to have forgotten our talk from earlier..." He lowered his voice.

"Bitte, bitte, _bitte_, I'll do anyzhing, just... I don't vant to go-"

"Shush, keep your voice down!" He whispered angrily. "You are making zhis harder zhan it needs to be.."

"Because, zhis is not necessary!" I whispered back with just as much hostility.

The Spy sighed and reached into his suit with one hand. He pulled out a syringe filled with dark blue fluid in it. "Hans told me I vould need zhis..."

Before I could react, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. The last thing I remembered was the feeling of the Spy putting me over a shoulder and the name Hans.


	8. Tape

I woke up an hour later on the floor somewhere. My eyelids were heavy and I felt like going back to sleep. When I tried to get up, I felt pressure on my wrists and ankles. I groaned and closed my eyes.

"Did you sleep well, mein schatz?" I heard the doctor's voice say.

"I'm tired..." I said.

"Zhere is no time for zhat. Get up." The Spy's voice chimed in. I struggled without the use of my hands, but I did eventually. I slouched against the wall behind me and looked up at the two men.

I finally saw the Spy's face. He had a narrow jaw, and a long, thin nose, accompanied by small pink lips. I couldn't see his eyes, but his hair fell over one eye, and what was odd is that he looked the same age as me, but he had a white streak that ran through his stark black hair.

"Vhy am I here?" I asked.

"Because..." Hans began to say. He pointed at the Spy. "Louis gathered some information for me about you a few days ago. He told me zhat you have your eye on someone else?"

"I... H-How did...?" I stuttered. I felt nervousness sink in...

Hans grinned. "Oh, don't vorry. I'm not interested in killing him. However, if he gets in zhe way of my plans... It'll be a different story..."

"So zhen, vhy am I here? You still didn't answer zhat..." I asked cautiously.

"Be_cause_..." Hans sighed in annoyance. "If zhat Sniper truly vants to take you avay from me..." He got down on one knee and lifted my head up by the chin and gave me a smirk that stirred my insides. "Let's see how much he really vants you."

"Vell if you already know zhat he loves me und I love him, zhen none of zhis is necessary!" I raised my voice at him.

"Zhat's _enough_!" Hans yelled, standing up and bringing me with him. He had a tight grip on the collar of my shirt. "Do you really zhink zhis man loves you? As much as I do?" His voice lowered.

"Y-Yes... I do." I said, becoming increasingly afraid.

"How do you know? Does he show it? Does he tell you he loves you?" He let go of my collar and I struggled to stand, despite my ankles being bound together. I leaned against the wall, legs shaking.

"I-I know he loves me... I see it in his eyes..." I looked him in the eye when I said it, even though it didn't sound confident at all. I hung my head. "He tells me everyday."

I heard Hans' boots clicking on the tile floor as he walked off somewhere. I looked up to see, but he was gone. He came back a few minutes later carrying a small television set and put it on his desk.

"Louis, could you plug zhis in? I forgot somezhing..." Hans said to the Spy. Louis nodded and Hans left the room again. This time he came back with a tape. We don't have access to the security tapes at all on 2fort... If that's what it is.

"Christof... Let me show you somezhing." Hans said turning on the television. Louis helped me up and I sat down in front of the TV.

"Is zhat a security tape?" I asked.

"You'll see, mein liebe." Hans put the tape in and stood on one side of me, while Louis stood on the other.

The tape began playing. The footage had a lot of static in it, but it cleared up quickly. There were crates piled up on top of each other outside of what looked like the RED base. In the corner of the screen, the date was there. This was recorded a week ago. Scout came into view, looking for something supposedly. Shortly after, Jude came up behind him. Scout looked happy to see him. They talked for a while, and Jude gave Scout a hug. He hugged him back and they looked at each other for a while. Then, Jude leaned in and kissed Scout. He looked shocked and tried pushing him away. Then the tape went back to static.

I didn't know what to say. I looked away from the blank screen and at the floor.

"When did zhis happen?" I asked, starting to feel worse than before.

I felt Hans' ungloved hand on my shoulder. "I don't know, schatz. Maybe zhis changed your mind about him?"

"I... I don't know..." I didn't trust him about this. But would Jude really do such a thing? After we told each other we loved one another... He would go behind my back? I didn't believe it... I didn't _want_ to believe it. It can't be real.

"Vhy... Vhy did you show me zhis?"

Hans turned off the TV and stood in front of me. I lifted up my head. "He's been hiding zhis from you for so long... And you didn't even know it."

I felt a tear at the corner of my eye. "How did you know...?"

Hans smiled at me and leaned back on his desk. "Just trust me."

I finally started to cry. I didn't know who to trust...

Hans was at my level now. "Christof. I know it's difficult. But he isn't zhe one for you. I _promise_ I'll never do anyzhing to hurt you when we're togezher." I felt his hand on the back of my neck. "Do you trust me?"

I breathed heavily. "I... I can't..."

Hans made a disappointed sound in his throat. "I see..." Suddenly, the hand on my neck jerked me forward. His face was just inches from mine.

"You'll change your mind soon." He let me go and stood up. I heard him leaving the room. Louis exited the office, exposing a bright light for a few seconds. I squinted at it.

"V-Vait, Hans, where are you going?" I asked him, feeling a little panicked.

"To bed. Unless you'd like to come vith me~" I heard him say.

"N-No, I'm... Okay..." I answered.

"Is zhat a yes?" His tone sounded excited.

"I'll stay out here." I said quickly.

"Oh... Vell zhen, Gute Nacht, Christof~" Then his door closed.

I stayed awake for while before lying down on the floor and falling asleep.


	9. Dream

That night I slipped into a dream. I sat with my hands in my lap in nothing but a plain white room. I tried to stand—or even move at all-but I couldn't. It felt like something was holding me down... Or some_one_...

"Christof" A voice whispered in my ear. I wasn't frightened at all. The strong hands holding me by the waist felt strangely familiar.

"Hello?" I whispered back.

The voice revealed themselves to be Jude. He hovered in front of me with a blank expression on his face. I scowled at him.

"Oh... Und vhat are you doing here in _my_ dream?" I said, trying to sound harsh, but it sounded more like a little kid

trying to stand up to the school bully. Jude smiled and laughed. I blushed and I crossed my arms, something couldn't do moments ago.

"Ya can't stay mad at me, mate. Admit it." Jude said with a grin.

"Yes I can! After I found out zhat you kissed Scout after you told me you loved me!" I yelled at him.

Jude sighed and sat cross-legged in midair. "Well, that's wot Oi'm here to talk about."

"I'm listening..."

"That tape he showed ya. It ain't real."

I didn't believe it for one second. After all, this _was_ a dream.

"Oh, und how do you know? I saw it vith my own two eyes, Jude. You _kissed_ him." I looked away from him.

"That wasn't me, Oi swear! Ya really think Oi'd do that to ya?" Jude shook his head.

"Vell... No, you vouldn't, _but_-"

"Chris, shh..." He put a finger to my lips. "Just lemme explain, okay?"

I nodded, not saying anything else. I took Jude's hand and held it against my cheek. I shivered slightly at how cold it

was.

Jude started to speak. "The Jude ya saw on that tape ain't me, Oi established that already. So, if that wasn't me, who do ya know that can disguise themselves as other people?"

"Jude, I don't... Oh..." Why didn't I think of that before?

"_Yeah_, ya see it now, sweetie?" He grinned widely.

"Oh, Jude... I'm so sorry... I don't vhy I didn't zhink of zhat sooner..."

His thumb stroked my cheek I sighed, feeling much better. "It's okay, love. Oi'm gonna get ya out of here."

"... How do you know I'm here?" I asked.

"Remember when Oi said Oi'd check on ya?"

I nodded.

"When Oi went in yer office, ya weren't there. So Oi asked the other guys an' they said they haven't seen ya. At that

point, Oi knew somethin' was wrong. That BLU team has been seemin' really weird lately... Oi mean, sure, we're enemies an' all, but... Oi dunno..."

"I still don't get it..." I thought for a second. "Jude... Are we having zhe same dream?"

"Oi think so... Guess that's whoi Oi know all this..." Jude murmured.

I decided to stop asking questions and stayed quiet. I tried standing, but my legs were still no use.

"Uh... Could you help me up?" I asked Jude shyly.

Jude pulled me by my hands. It took a few tries, but I was finally able to stand. Not only could I stand, but I started

to float, like Jude.

"Zhis is odd... Doesn't it feel a little weird?"

Jude put his arm around me and kissed my cheek. "Not really. Oi mean, it's a dream, so really anythin' can happen."

I put my hand on his lower back. "So... Vhen are you coming to get me?" I tried not to sound desperate.

"Soon as Oi can, hun. Don't worry." He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. I couldn't help but melt at his touch.

I felt Jude sinking down to the ground. "Oh, Oi'm startin' to wake up..." He stretched and yawned.

I still stayed in midair. "Oh... Is zhere any vay you can fall into a deeper sleep?"

"Don't think so..." He lied down on the floor and closed his eyes. "Oi'll see ya soon." Jude rolled over on his side and fell asleep. I think? It was really confusing... Soon, I felt myself getting sleepy as I felt gravity slowly coming back. I landed softly on my feet, and lied down next to Jude. Then, I fell asleep.

* * *

As soon as my dream ended, I woke up in the real world with a jolt. I was hyperventilating and sweat formed on my forehead. I _had_ to get out of here... But first I needed to get my hands and feet untied... I sat up and rested against Hans' desk. If I could get over to the table of instruments without making too much noise, I could get out of here! Carefully, I made my way across the room, almost comically crawling across the floor like an inchworm.

I reached the operation table, and stood up. I rested my chin on it and used my hands (barely) to pick up one of the

scalpels on the small table. I got a hold of one until it slipped from my fingers and it clattered to the floor. I cringed at the sound, praying it wouldn't wake up Hans. I didn't try to get another one and instead sank to the floor to grab the one that fell.

When I started to hack away at the rope on my wrists, I heard Hans' door open. I immediately dropped to the floor and closed my eyes, but I still kept the scalpel in hand. My heart raced a mile a minute as I heard him enter the room.

"Mein kuschelbär, are you awake? Did you have a nightmare?" Hans said into the silent room, sounding sleepy. "Ve can snuggle if you vant..."

I didn't answer for obvious reasons. A few seconds later, heard him shuffle back to his room. I waited until I hear the door close to continue cutting at my restraints.

About half an hour later, my hands were free, and I cut at the rope on my ankles, which was much easier. When I was finished, I put the scalpel back on the table, trying not to make it look like anything moved out of place. I made my way over to the door and rested my hand on the knob and turned it carefully.

The door creaked open, and it was almost painful to listen to. If dropping that scalpel didn't get me caught, this surely would... I took one last look behind me and hurried out of the office, closing back the squeaky door.


	10. Connection

**Warning: Mild Sexual Content**

When I exited the BLU base, it was still dark, but hints of pale yellow sunlight were starting to show on the horizon. I sneaked around corners and crates stacked on top of each other to get back to RED. Hopefully the BLU Sniper wasn't up in his hideout this time of the morning. Heading to my office, I ran into Jude who was already dressed. I couldn't help but hug him tightly.

"Ich liebe dich. So much..." I whispered in Jude's ear.

He giggled at my sudden native language. "Wot?" He whispered back.

"I _love_ you, Jude. So, so much..." I let go of him and held his hands in mine.

"Oi love ya too, Chris" he grinned at me before pulling me into a deep kiss.

"I'm so sorry I didn't trust you", I told Jude after we pulled away. "It was obvious zhe whole time..."

" 'S okay, ya didn't know" Jude put his arm around me and we started walking.

"So... Zhis might sound crazy, but... Did you have zhe same dream as me last night?" I looked Jude straight in the eye as I said it.

He looked surprised. "Well... Were ya there with me?"

I nodded. "Und you had to help me up because I couldn't move."

"Yeah. We did have the same dream, then. That's whoi Oi'm all dressed up 'cos I was comin' to get ya."

We reached his van and he let me go inside first. Jude followed behind me and closed the door. "Ya want some coffee, love?"

"Ooh, ja." I said happily as I dusted myself off before sitting on his bed.

"So, Oi gotta know... How'd ya get out?" Jude asked, not looking up from pouring coffee grounds into the filter.

"Oh, a simple scalpel did zhe trick. Security wasn't very high-maintenance." I gave a short laugh.

Jude made a happy sound and sat down next to me while we waited for the coffee. "Well Oi'm glad you're safe." He kissed my cheek.

I kissed his lips and he kissed back with a greater force. Jude lied me down on the bed, and I held onto his shoulders. As our kiss got more heated, my hands roamed to explore his chest, and he did the same with mine. I felt his hands move downward... One rested on my knee while the other was on my thigh. I broke our kiss.

"Uh... J-Jude... Vhat are you doing?" I was a little afraid.

Jude sat up. "Oi... Oi'm sorry... Oi just thought..." He rubbed the back of his neck, becoming embarrassed.

"Vhat is it? Tell me, Jude" I said softly, giving him a warm smile. I cupped his cheek in my hand.

"Oi dunno... It's just that, well... We've known each other for so long and... Oi feel like we should... Ya know..."

"You mean... Ve should have sex?" I felt nervous then.

"Y-Yeah, but... Not for the reason most people do it. Oi wanna share a part of me with ya. Oi've been savin' it for the right person. Just waitin' for the right time." He sighed. "Ya don't have to if ya don't wanna..."

I'd been thinking about it for a while. Having sex with Jude solely for emotional purposes was something I've kept secret from him and myself. But was he looking to get pleasure out of it?

"Vell, vhat do you vant out of it? I-If we do it, of course..." I asked.

"Well, Oi ain't really lookin' for sex. More of... Makin' love, Oi guess?" Jude gave an embarrassed smile.

I smiled back at him. "So you mean... More emotional, less sexual?"

"Uh, y-yeah! How'd ya know?" Jude blushed.

I sat up and was only inches away from his handsome face. "Because I've been vanting zhe same zhing, Jude."

"Y... Really? But, Oi thought ya were-"

"I am. But for me, sex is not for pleasure. It's for me to become more connected vith someone on a much deeper level. Und zhat someone is you, Jude." I lied back down. "Take me into your arms und tell me how much you love me." Saying all of this made me terrified for what was about to happen, but I didn't regret one bit of it.

At that moment, I told Jude I was a virgin, and he agreed to be gentle. I was on the verge of tears in the beginning, but that shortly went away as I focused on the things Jude said to me as we became one.

* * *

I had fallen asleep, and woke up an hour later. Jude was leaning against the counter, with only his pants on, sipping coffee. I lied on the bed for a bit, then decided to get up and put on my clothes.

"Made another pot of coffee, since the other got cold. If ya still want some, Oi can pour ya a mug." Jude said, looking out of the small window of the van.

"Yes, bitte" I smiled sweetly at him. He put down his mug and grabbed another one out of the cabinet.

"Ya want any cream, sugar...?" Jude asked, pouring the warm drink into the mug.

"Sugar. Und do you have hazelnut?" I answered.

"Sure do, hun" he smiled at me as he handed me the mug. I sipped the coffee, loving the way it warmed me inside.

"Danke" I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

"How do ya feel?"

"I'm a little sore, honestly." I laughed softly. "But it vas wonderful. Zhank you."

We finished our coffee and Jude took my mug for me. Afterwards, we lied down on the bed and I fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

**Third Person POV**

Hans was in a rage.

"Vhere has he gone?!" He screamed. Louis heard his distress and bursted into his office.

"Vhat happened, Docteur?" Louis asked, his Spy-like instincts beginning to kick in.

"Christof is missing." He sat in his office chair and rubbed his temples. "Und I know exactly who took him... My puppet..."

"Hm. Zhat Sniper will pay, oui?" Louis leaned on the desk, his arms crossed.

"Exactly. I vill do everyzhing in my vill to get rid of him." He turned to Louis. "Und you vill help me."


	11. Teaching

I was awakened by a ray of sunlight that poured onto my face. I buried my face into the pillow and groaned, not wanting to get up. I wondered what time it must be now, since I awoke in the early hours of the morning. But the more I thought about it, the less I cared, as long as that meant lying here with Jude a little longer. I raised my head from the pillow to look at him. He was still asleep. I put a gentle hand on his shoulder and shook him lightly.

"Jude, wake up" I whispered. He made a noise and seemed to be awakened for a moment, but went right back to his slumber. I sat up next to him, the ray of sunlight gave a warm glow to his olive skin.

I kissed his ear. "Wake up, my Australian Prince."

I saw Jude's lips turn into a smile and his eyes fluttered open. I brushed his blonde hair out of his face.

"Mornin', love. Wait... Is it still mornin'?" He looked at me with sleepy eyes.

"It's past three o' clock." I said. "Ve still have zhe rest of zhe day to do vhatever ve vant."

"Well, guess Oi'll put on a shirt." Jude sat up with his arms over his head and yawned. I handed him his shirt that was on the floor from earlier.

"So what do ya wanna do?" He looked at me with his deep blue eyes as he buttoned up his shirt.

I picked up one of my boots, putting it on the right foot. I felt a little emptiness in my stomach I didn't feel before. I haven't eaten since yesterday evening."I'm hungry" I said, frowning.

"Heavy won't mind if we make a couple sandwiches, will he?" Jude put his arm around me, grinning.

I shrugged. "I guess ve could. He's pretty friendly." Putting on my second boot, I stood up and smoothed out my vest. "Uh, do you have a mirror?"

" 'S one on the counter" Jude said putting on his cowboy boots.

I checked my hair in the small hand mirror, tucking a strand behind my ear. Jude chuckled, and I heard the door to the van open.

"C'mon, beauty queen" he teased.

"Oh, und _I'm_ zhe beauty queen? Just look at you!" I set the mirror down and laughed along with him. I held his hand as we walked out the door to the RED base. It was silent, which wasn't odd for a day off, but maybe just a little _too_ silent for my liking.

When we got to the mess hall, I gathered up a few basic ingredients for the sandwiches, and washed my hands in the small sink. I felt hungrier as I prepared one of them.

"Oi'll make my own, Chris. You sit down and eat yours." Jude said when I was about to make the second one.

"Oh, okay" I smiled as I put the first sandwich on a plate and sat at the long table. I took a rather large bite out of it and sighed with happiness, letting the flavors sink in. It was so good that I didn't hear Jude ask me a question.

"Did ya hear me, Chris?" Jude repeated, standing at the counter still making his sandwich.

"Hm?" I said with a mouthful before swallowing.

"Oi said, aren't ya a little afraid? Y'know, escapin' an' all that..." He came to the table and sat across from me.

"I guess..." In all honesty, I was scared for my life. But I didn't want Jude to worry. I couldn't just beg for him to protect me all hours of the day, then I'd seem weak. As much as I _would_ like it for him to be by my side more than usual... He has a life, too.

"Wot's that supposed to mean?" Jude asked.

"I-I guess I'm a little afraid..." I tried to sound like I was fine, but my stutter ruined my façade.

"You sound more than just a little" Jude said in a low voice, as if he was trying to keep this a secret.

"I'm _fine_, Jude. You don't need to vorry about me." I insisted. I stood from the table to put away my plate.

"But... Oi just wanna keep ya safe..." Jude mumbled, sounding slightly offended.

I sighed. "Jude. Vhat I should have said was zhat I don't _vant_ you to vorry about me. You have your own life to zhink about." I set the plate in the sink, balling my fists to keep myself in control.

"But, you're a big part of my life. Whoi wouldn't Oi worry about ya if Oi didn't care?" I heard Jude get up from the table.

I started falling apart. "Be... cause..."-my voice cracked-"I can take care of myself..." I was lying to Jude, and I knew it. Tears started welling up in my eyes, and I was beyond embarrassed to start crying in front of him.

I heard Jude's boots click across the wooden floor. He stood behind me with his hands on my hips and his chin resting on my shoulder. He said nothing for a while, and just held me as the silence was broken in the room by my soft sobs.

"There's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Oi would be too if Oi was in ya situation. Just remember Oi'll be here to protect ya no matter wot."

"But zhat's vhat I'm trying to say. You can't alvays be zhere for me. I feel so veak depending on you all zhe time. I never learned how to fight, I'm just a healing Medic... Zhat's all I can do..." I wiped away a tear.

"But you're a _great_ healer, Chris. No one else on the team can do that. You should be happy ya don't have to fight." Jude encouraged.

"But just avoiding zhe fighting day after day von't alvays work... I'm quick to dodge, but one day, I von't be so lucky..."

Jude rubbed his stubbled chin against my neck in an almost cat-like fashion. It tickled and it got a small giggle out of me. "Well... Would it make ya feel better if Oi taught ya a few things?"

"You... You vould do zhat for me?" I asked, putting my hand on his cheek.

" 'Course Oi would. Oi'll do anythin' for ya."

I felt a little weary at his comment, but I accepted his offer. "I'd love for you to teach me, zhen."

Jude made a pleased sound and tugged at my hand. "Let's go."

* * *

We stood outside of Jude's van. He brought out his Huntsman earlier, looking excited to start teaching me. There was a wooden post nearby with an apple on top of it for target practice. The post looked about 3 feet high.

Jude had his Huntsman slung over his shoulder."Now, Oi'm gonna show ya how to shoot one o' these beauties." He waved an arrow in the air. "Ya see that apple over there, right?"

I nodded.

"So. The first thing ya do is stand perpendicular to the target. See how my body is facin' ya?"

"Yes?" I answered.

"This is how ya gotta stand. But your head has to face ya target, of course. When ya got that down..." Jude took his Huntsman off his shoulders "Since Oi'm left-handed, Oi hold the bow in my right hand, an' the bow_string_ in my left."

Jude took the arrow from before and put it on the string, and pulled it back.

"Oh, an' make sure when ya set the arrow in the bowstring, have it pointin' down before raisin' it up."

"Okay" I said, watching him closely. Jude stayed completely still. He had the end of the arrow next to his cheek. And before I knew it, Jude shot the arrow, and the apple was pierced immediately, falling to the ground. It was stunning to actually _see_ him shoot an arrow so perfectly. I could watch him all day.

"Wow..." I said, grinning.

"Thanks. Wasn't too good of a shot, though..." Jude said, sounding a little defeated. "Ya wanna try?"

I was nervous, but excited to try. "J-Ja!"

Jude went to the post where the apple was and pulled the arrow out of it. He set it back on the post. "Now Oi'll help ya shoot ya first arrow."

Jude walked over to me and handed me his Huntsman.

"You're right-handed, right?" He asked.

"Ja" I said

"Okay, so hold the bow in ya left hand..."-I took the bow from him in my left-"... and the string in ya right." I did as he said.

"Good." He kissed my cheek. "Now for the stance. Turn ya body this way"-Jude held me by the shoulders and guided me to turn my body-"Look straight ahead." I looked at the apple.

" 'Kay, now stay like that while I get ya the arrow..." I heard Jude pull out a new arrow from the quiver on his back, a distinct metallic sound that made me shiver slightly.

I saw his hands appear in front of me with the arrow. He held my right hand with his, putting the end of the arrow on the string. Then he held my left hand in place on the bow with his same hand.

I felt my heartbeat quicken.

"Now, focus... And relax." Jude whispered in my ear.

I closed my eyes for a second, trying to calm myself. I inhaled deeply.

"On three, we let go. One... Two..." I opened my eyes.

"Three."

On three, Jude and I let go of that arrow, and it was so silent I heard it slice through the air, and hit the apple.

"I... Ve... Did it." I said, nearly breathless.

"No, Chris, _you_ did it. Oi'm only a guide."

I lowered the bow. I still couldn't believe _I_ just shot an arrow!

"It... It felt good." I felt a smile creep onto my face. "Zhank you, Jude."

Jude took his hands off mine and patted my arm. "No problem, love!"

I handed him back his his Huntsman and walked over to the apple to pull the arrow out. I sat on the wooden post.

"Done already?" Jude chuckled.

"No." I said, crossing my arms. The smile from before was a mile wide. "I vant to do it again."


	12. Alone

For a few more hours, Jude and I took turns shooting arrows. He mostly did it to keep teaching me so I could look and replicate. Of course the first few times were bad, but I started to get better little by little. I felt proud knowing that now, not only can I heal, but I'm learning to fight as well. The sun was beginning to set.

"Alright, let's give the ol' Huntsman a break" Jude said after I shot my last arrow. "You're gettin' really good."

"I am? D-Danke." I thanked him with an unsure grin.

"Do ya wanna try out my Kukri, or are ya done for the day?"

"No no, I vant to try it!" I answered quickly and eagerly.

Jude went back inside and came back out with his Kukri.

"You don't have a Bonesaw, do ya? Just wanna know so you can practice on ya own later." Jude was cleaning off the blade.

"I do, even though I never use it.." I said. I've had that simple Bonesaw ever since the day I arrived to 2fort. I've never even _touched_ it, even though everyday I longed to put it to use.

"Well..." Jude handed me his Kukri. I took it from him, and felt a sense of power rush through me. "Just get used to its weight."

It was a fairly heavy weapon. I stared at it, unsure of what Jude meant by "getting used it its weight."

"Um... So, vhat should I practice on?" I asked, straightening my bow tie.

"Oh, well, just start swingin' at the air. Oi don't have any more targets for ya to practice on. Oi would use the apple again, but it's too small."

I shrugged and held the handle of the knife tightly. I swung the blade, pretending I had a target in front of me. Hearing it cut through the air gave me courage and excitement. I sort of replicated one of those sword fighters in those fantasy movies, not sure if there was a correct way to swing. But I wanted to do whatever it took to master handling a blade.

I heard Jude laugh, breaking my determination. "Vhat is so funny?" I looked over at him. He had his hands covering his mouth and the reddest cheeks.

"Are ya sword fightin', mate?" He said through giggles.

I crossed my arms, raising an eyebrow at him with a smirk. I felt sort of playful. "Maybe I am. You aren't exactly teaching me, mein liebe."

"Oh?" Jude got up from his spot on the ground. "Ya want me to teach ya everythin'? There ain't really a way to show someone how to swing a blade..." He walked towards me slowly, and I stood frozen, unsure of what he was getting at.

"Unless... Live target practice?"

"Vhat?! N-Nein! Jude, I vill _not_ swing zhis at you, ever! Are you crazy?!" I exclaimed, absolutely shocked.

"Aw, come on, Oi've gotten much worse, from experienced fighters. Oi can take it." Jude teasingly made a gesture with his hands for me to come closer.

"Are you sure?" I asked. I really didn't want to hurt him...

" 'Course. Oi trust ya. Oi'll dodge it, obviously, so Oi won't get hurt."

"O-Okay, Jude..." I said with caution, raising the knife. "Here I go." I swung it at him as hard as I could. I had my eyes closed, absolutely terrified at what I had just done. My hands shook with nervousness.

I opened one eye slightly. "Did I hit you?" I asked him.

"Nope! I ducked." Jude said with a wide grin. "That was a great swing!" He patted me on the back.

I sighed and and gave Jude his Kukri back. I covered my face with my hands. "I _never_ vant to do zhat again... Not to you, at least... Zhat scared me half to death."

"Oi'm sorry, Chris." Jude put his Kukri down and hugged me. "Least ya know how to fight, now."

"Sure", I said, still completely terrified.

"Well, oi'll find some stuff for ya to practice on tomorrow, it's gettin' late." He left go of me. "Wanna go to dinner? 'M sure, there's leftovers."

I didn't feel like it, but hunger was getting to me again. "Okay."

* * *

It was just Jude and I again in the mess hall. I opened the fridge and found leftover steak and potatoes, set on two plates wrapped in plastic. It was nice of whoever did it. I took the plates out, unwrapped them, and put one of them in the small microwave.

Dinner was a fun time, to be honest. Each night, one of us would prepare a dish that we liked, with help if we wanted it of course. Nothing ever got _too_ exotic, but it was interesting to eat different foods.

"Jude, I don't zhink I've ever asked you zhis but... Do you have parents?" I asked, trying to make some conversation. I'm pretty sure I've asked him that before, since we've known each other for years, but I didn't know what to talk about.

Jude smiled. He was leaning on the counter top. "Chris, you've asked me that, before. 'Course Oi do. Wot made ya ask?"

"Um.." I had no answer. "Nevermind. I vas just trying to start a conversation."

"Oh, okay."

"V-Vell, um... Vhat are zhey like?"

"Oh, they're great people. Mum an' Dad had a small farm on our property, although Oi don't know if it's still there... Might of sold it. But anyway, they always wanted me to help out with it, and that was fine. Until they wanted to hand it over to me when Oi turned... Eighteen, Oi think?

"Wasn't interested at all. Stayin' at home to take care of the farm all day sounded so borin'. Mum told me if Oi really wasn't that interested in the farm, the least Oi could do was get 'a real job and marry a decent woman.' Well, Oi found a job, that's whoi Oi'm here, but... The marryin' thing obviously didn't happen. Was too afraid to tell ol' Mum an' Dad Oi would rather marry a decent man."

He paused for a moment, but he continued.

" 'Course that'll never be acceptable in my lifetime. Probably not in _anyone's_ lifetime. But Oi told myself, when Oi found out Oi was gay, that Oi don't need any rings or papers or even a bloody weddin' to prove my love to that 'decent man.' "

I took the first plate of food out of the microwave and put the other one in. I was stunned. Jude had never opened up to me like that about such a subject. I felt the same exact way as he did. I had so many questions to ask him now: When did you know you were gay? Did you always suspect it? Do you think it's wrong? How would your parents feel about it? I felt some of them were either too personal or too offensive for me to ask. and I wondered if my sexuality (well, lack of it) was treated the same way. I took the second plate out of the microwave and brought both of them to the table.

"How did you keep it a secret for so long?" I asked Jude softly.

He shrugged. "Wasn't that hard. Just don't kiss boys." He laughed.

It couldn't have been that easy, but I took his word. We ate in silence for a while until Jude spoke up.

"So, uh... Wot are ya parents like?"

"Um... Vell, zhey are decent people..." I lied. My parents died when I was seven.

"Hm. Cool." Jude said, chewing on a potato.

I felt kind of embarrassed to tell him that I didn't have parents. They were killed in an execution camp in World War II. A group of escapees had taken me with them, but only me and two others got out. American soldiers rescued us then. It wasn't until after that that I found out my parents were dead. I lived with the two escapees until I was about seventeen.

"So wot were ya doin' before ya came here?" Jude asked, cutting into his steak.

"I vas in medical school for four years. Zhen I vorked as a pediatrician. But someone observed my talents one day und suggested zhat I vork as a healer for 2fort." I said, telling him the truth this time.

Jude smiled. "Oi thought ya would have a more excitin' story. You're so interestin' an' wonderful that Oi thought it would be some big story to tell. But simple is fine, too."

That's one thing I really loved about Jude. He never complained about anything, not even over something as simple as not having a detailed life story to tell. He just seemed so _happy_ about everything. I was jealous of him in a way.

I finished eating and so did Jude a few minutes later. I offered to take his plate for him and I washed them in the sink.

"So uh... Guess ya got work to do?" Jude asked, standing beside me.

"Ja. I do. Sorry." I said. I dried off my hands and the dishes and put them away.

"Okay." He hugged my shoulders. "G'night, then."

"Goodnight, Jude." I kissed his cheek and he went on his way. I headed down the hallway to my office.

* * *

I stayed up until 10:30 that night doing more paperwork and reading a few medical textbooks, then got ready for bed. I lied in my bed thinking of Jude. I had an extra pillow beside the one I slept on, and I always wondered what it would be like having someone else there with me in the night.

Not putting too much thought into it, I fell asleep, feeling safe that I was in my own room tonight.


	13. Fight

We had a match the next day. I was excited to finally start fighting with my Bonesaw, but of course healing comes first. I grabbed a couple pieces of toast and buttered them and took them with me to the weapons room. Before I left the mess hall, I heard Engineer say something to me.

"Hey Doc, where are ya goin' in such a rush?" He said with a small laugh at the end.

I stopped in the doorway and turned to him. "Oh, um... I just vant to get started early, zhat's all."

"Oh" he shrugged. "Well, see ya on the field."

I nodded and headed down the hallway. I had about half an hour before the match actually started, so I could do a few practice swings with my Bonesaw. I walked over to my section of the weapons room. There it was. I picked it up, and I felt chills run through me slightly. The blade itself was sharper than I imagined when I poked at its teeth. The handle was a metallic black in color. When I was about to swing, I heard someone walk in.

"Ya ready?" Jude said behind me.

I turned to him. "Ja, I'm ready." He smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me. I hugged him, which gave me more confidence. "I love you."

"Oi love ya too." He said back. I wanted us to stay like this forever. Just Jude and I and no one else-

"I knew it! I knew dey were fags!" A blatant female voice yelled mockingly.

I let go of Jude, immediately embarrassed and frightened by her sudden presence. My cheeks reddened.

"U-Und who are you?" I asked the female.

"I'm da new Scout. Since uh, tha otha one died or somethin'?" She said, arms crossed.

I was about to answer, until Jude spoke instead, probably to save me from any more embarrassment. "Yeah, an' the same will happen to you if ya don't keep ya mouth shut." Jude sounded a little angry.

"Whoa, whoa there, ponytail" Scout said with her hands raised in defense. "Everyone already knows about tha both o' ya's. It's _obvious_."

"Oh mein gott..." I mumbled, my hands covering my face. I felt like _I_ should be the one dying right now.

"Well, Oi knew that but..." I heard Jude move to Scout's side of the room and whisper something.

"_Ohh_" Scout said. "I'm sorry, man." I assumed she was talking to me.

"Uh... It's fine?" I said, hands no longer covering my face. Jude walked back over to me and put his arm around my shoulders.

"Now if ya don't mind, Oi think we got a match to win" Jude put his other hand on his hip with a serious look on his face, trying to prove a point. "C'mon, love. Let's get some practice in."

I nodded and we walked together. Jude snatched his Kukri off of the weapons rack as we headed out onto an enclosed part of the field. He started swinging the blade with swift, quick movements. I stared at the Bonesaw in my hands, unsure of what to say.

"Jude... Vhy did you get so... Defensive, back zhere?" I asked. It seemed too soon to ask that I thought the question would make him angry.

Jude halted his swinging and turned to me.

"Oi bloody _hate_ that Scout." Is all he said. I was a little startled, since Jude had never said he _hated_ someone before. I only asked him that question because his sudden aggressiveness scared me to death. But it reminded me that he should never be underestimated.

"Oi don't want anyone messin' with ya. Not after ya disappeared on me that night. Don't wanna lose ya again..." Jude's tone went from dark and angry to soft and worried. "That's all."

"Oh... O-Okay..." I said. I felt like I should've said more, but didn't. Jude went back to practicing.

I picked up my Bonesaw. I swung it, and practiced again and again, until the rest of the team came out. I tucked my saw away into the inside of my coat. Fear began to well up inside me. I hadn't thought of the consequences I might face if I encounter Hans during this match. My hands shook and I really felt scared then. I couldn't move when everyone else ran onto the field. My vision started to blur as I moved one foot at a time, practically trudging through the dusty earth. I couldn't hear the shots being fired, or the screams for help. When I escaped that night, the thought of what Hans might do to me never hit me until now. I felt like a zombie.

"Doc!" I heard very faintly.

"Doc! What da hell are ya doin'?!" I heard it more clearly the second time. Scout was in front of me.

"Snap out of it, man!" She shook me violently by the shoulders. I came back to reality.

"A-Are ve in zhe middle of a match?!" I asked, frightened.

"Yeah, now get movin'!" Scout said as she ran off.

I ran onto the field, equipping my Medigun. I saw Heavy shooting at a few BLU Pyros. I stopped beside him. "Do you need help?"

"Da!" He said. I turned on the Medigun and we ran across the field to the other side. As soon as I was about to Übercharge Heavy, the rays from the Medigun stopped completely and it shut off. I started to panic.

"Vhat happened? Gott verdammt!" I shouted. I pulled the trigger on the gun multiple times, and it made only a clicking sound. The Medigun was broken.

"Doktor, vhat happened?" Heavy yelled at me over his shoulder.

"My Medigun von't work! Somezhing is wrong vith it!" I shouted back.

Heavy looked at me, then he ran off. I sighed in frustration. The only thing I could do now was fight. So I pulled out the saw and charged at an oncoming Scout. I went for his throat and sliced through the flesh. He collapsed and held his neck, blood seeping through his fingers. I ran away from the scene, feeling a mixture of terror... And confidence.

I kept looking back at that Scout, who slowly faded away. My mind kept telling me that he wasn't going to respawn, that he was dead just like our old Scout. And it was all my fault. I tried to block out the thoughts by saying that it would only happen that one time, but it was no use. I tripped over my own feet when I reached a dead end, hitting my forehead on a large rock. That seemed to stop the voices, at least.

I fell on the ground, moaning and rubbing my forehead, which was bleeding. I had a splitting headache now. I pushed myself up off the ground and leaned against the rock, breathing heavily. I looked down at my hands, the blood from my forehead dripping onto my rubber gloves. I felt like my team had already lost, and it was all because of me.

I heard footsteps coming towards me. I didn't bother to look up, since I had a pretty good guess of who it was.

"Go on. Just tell me how much of a failure I am to my team. I'm a terrible Medic..." I said defeatedly to Hans.

"Oh, no mein liebe. I am actually quite surprised zhat you are fighting now, yes?" He said.

I looked up at him. He was wearing the Blighted Beak, so his expression was obscured. He had his hands behind his back.

"Vhat do you want from me?" I asked him.

I yelped as he suddenly lifted me off the ground and slammed me against the rock.

"V-Vhat are you doing?!"

"Listen here, _Christof_. I cannot _stand_ vhen my pets run away from me. Escape in zhe middle of zhe night vizzout me knowing." He smirked. "How did you do it, Christof?"

"Vouldn't you like to know..."

As soon as I said that, I felt his fist punch me in the stomach. I doubled over and coughed violently, and tears filled my eyes.

"Don't you_ dare_ make those kinds of comments to me, ever!" He yelled down at me. But as soon as I went down, he pulled me back up. "Now..." He reached into his coat, pulling out his Amputator. He pressed it to my neck. "Vhat were you sayi-"

Hans fell to the ground, completely limp. Jude had stabbed him through the chest. I gave a weak smile. "Oh, Jude..." I hugged him as tightly as I could. He hugged back.

"Mission ends in 60 seconds!" The Announcer said over the intercom. I ran a hand through my hair. A BLU Heavy was charging towards us. I pulled out my Bonesaw and Jude and I ran towards the giant. We swung at him at the same time, but it took a lot to bring him down. When we finally did, he cursed and collapsed onto the ground.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Victory!" The Announcer said. Jude raised up his hand and we high-fived.

"There ya go!" Jude said happily. I smiled and laughed weakly. We headed to the locker rooms.

* * *

After I finished showering, I found Engineer by his locker.

"Um, Engineer? I need to talk to you.." I said.

"Sure, Doc, what is it?" Engineer turned to me with a grin.

"My... Somezhing is wrong vith my Medigun. I vas using it on zhe field and it shut off suddenly..." I said.

"Oh, well drop it off at my workshop an' I'll have a look at it after dinner." He said.

I smiled. "O-Okay. Danke."

"No problem!" He said happily.

After that, I left the locker room.

* * *

I didn't go to dinner, since I still felt exhausted from today's match. I left my Medigun in Engineer's workshop before retreating to my office for the night. I searched through my drawers for painkillers and took a few pills from different brands. It made me feel a little better. I went to my room and lied down on my bed, sighing. Today had been a rough day.

I reached under my pillow, hoping that what I was looking for was still there...

"Mein kuschelbär."

It was a small stuffed bear I've had since I was born that my mother made for me. I named him Hugo. He was white, but now a sort of greyish-brown due to time. He had an eye missing, and his tail was gone. I know it seemed extremely silly for a twenty-something like me to keep a stuffed bear, but it was the only memory I had left of my parents. I hugged Hugo to my chest.

"I'm glad I still have you" I whispered to him. I took off my glasses and set them on my nightstand, and rolled over on my side. I closed my eyes, thinking of sleep.


	14. Fever

I think I awoke an hour later. I rolled onto my back and yawned. The clock on my nightstand said it was 8:05, but it felt much later than that. I felt sleepy still, but also somewhat refreshed. I didn't get up, and instead I just lied there with Hugo. I heard a knock at my door.

"Hey, it's me, Chris. Can Oi come in?" It was Jude. I put Hugo back under my pillow quickly.

"Come in" I said.

He opened the door and turned on the light, which annoyed me a little. I saw a bowl in his hand with steam rising out of it. Jude walked over to me and sat on the edge of my bed.

"How do ya feel?" He asked me, smiling.

"I'm... Okay, I guess..." I rolled over to face Jude.

Jude lifted up the bowl and I sat up. "Brought ya some food." I took the bowl from him. It was soup with potatoes and chicken in it.

"Oh, zhat's nice of you, Jude but... I'm not really hungry at all..." I said, feeling like a jerk knowing he took the time to bring me something to eat.

"Aw, come on, not even a little bit? You'll be starvin' later." Jude said with a slight frown. He perked up quickly however. "Wot if Oi feed ya? Will ya eat, then?"

It was bad enough I slept with a stuffed bear every night, but now Jude was offering to feed me? I felt like a child... I didn't want Jude to worry, and I felt bad.

"No, I'll eat it myself..." I said, sighing. I scooped up a piece of potato with the spoon and blew on it to cool it off, and took a bite. I wasn't going to lie, it was delicious.

"Mmm..." I ate a little more of the soup.

"See? Ya _are_ hungry. Eat a few more bites, an' Oi'll leave.." Jude said happily, putting a hand on my back.

"But vhat if I don't want you to leave?" I said not looking at him, trying to hide the smile on my face. I ate three more bites before setting the bowl on my nightstand, not even finishing nearly half of the soup.

"Ya want me to stay?" Jude sounded happy at his suggestion.

"I-" I paused for a moment, then I sneezed. I was going to say that Jude could stay if he wanted, but that changed my answer. "I don't zhink you vant to. I feel a little sick..." Which was the truth, unfortunately.

"Ya gonna be able to fight tomorrow?" Jude asked worriedly.

I lied down again. I felt sort of dizzy. "It's just an oncoming cold. I can handle it. Und I'll stay away from everyone so no one gets sick."

Jude smiled. "Well, how are ya gonna do that if we're all in such close quarters?" He said incredulously.

I shrugged. "But zhat unfortunately includes you, dear."

"Oh, darn.." Jude said in a sarcastic manner, since it was obvious. "Oi think Oi should call the Administrator just in case-"

"N-No!" I said quickly, propping myself up on my elbows. "I feel better now! Really, I-" I coughed.

Jude pushed me back down gently onto my bed. "No, no, Chris. If ya go out there fightin' tomorrow, you're gonna work yourself up." He patted my shoulder. "Just get some rest, okay?"

I sighed. "Okay..." I closed my eyes.

"Now, Oi'm gonna call the Administrator to tell her ya can't work tomorrow, an' Oi don't want any complainin'. Okay?"

"Okay..." I said again.

"Alright." He put a hand on my forehead. "You're gettin' a fever..."

I opened my eyes to look at him. "I know, Jude, I'm a doctor." I said, grinning, teasingly, of course.

He smiled and rolled his eyes. "Are ya done with the soup?"

"Yes." I said.

Jude walked over to my nightstand to pick up the bowl, but stopped. "Are ya cold?"

I nodded my head. Jude walked to my closet and opened it. "Jeez, Chris. All these clothes in here... Where are ya blankets at?"

"They should be behind my suitcase" I said, closing my eyes again and coughing.

I heard some shuffling, then I heard the closet door close. The blanket draped over me, surrounding me in warmth. I sighed happily and curled up in it. "Danke."

"You're welcome." Jude kissed my forehead. "Now get some sleep. Oi'll be checkin' on ya in... Maybe an hour or so. Oi'll be sleepin' in the base tonight so Oi'll be close by."

"O-Okay. Gute nacht, Jude." I said, already feeling sleepy again.

"G'night, Chris." And after that, I heard him turn off the light and leave. Only several minutes after Jude had left, I fell asleep.

* * *

Somewhere between midnight and one, I woke up feeling like my skin was blazing. I kicked my blanket off of me, whining in frustration. I don't even know how I got a fever in the first place.

"Juude..." I whined, not even loud enough for him to hear. "It's hot..."

I knew he didn't hear me, but I half-expected him to come anyways. In the meantime I unbuttoned my pajama shirt (which was long-sleeved) and took off my pants and lied on my back. I felt a _little_ better...

"Chris" Jude's voice nearly kept me from going insane. He sounded like an angel. "Wot do ya need?"

"Too hot... Ice..." I panted. I was hallucinating about sweating earlier, but now I actually _was_, which felt worse somehow.

"Ya need ice? Okay..." Jude closed the door and came back after a couple minutes. I felt him sit on my bed. "Oi got ya some ice, an' also some water in case ya were thirsty." He pressed a cold rag to my damp forehead, and I felt the ice wrapped up in it. I sighed and smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten sick. You need your sleep too..." I said after I cooled off.

Jude pressed the cold rag to the back of my neck. "It's alright. Just wanna do everythin' Oi can to help ya get better."

"Did Engineer say anyzhing about my Medigun? Is it fixed?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it, ya ain't gonna use it tomorrow anyways." Jude replied.

_'Yes, Jude, that's what you think.'_, I thought.

"O-Okay..." I said instead.

Jude stayed with me for about half an hour, pressing the cool ice against my hot skin. I cooled down, then. "I feel better." I said.

"Are ya sure?" Jude asked.

I nodded my head. "I don't need anyzhing else."

"Okay. Oi'll leave the ice here if ya need it again."

"Okay. Goodnight, Jude."

"G'night, Chris." Then he left again.

I tried going back to sleep, but I couldn't stop thinking about what I was going to do tomorrow. I can't just _lie_ here all day tomorrow. I was thinking of sneaking out.

* * *

I didn't sleep well. When morning came, I felt much worse; my nose was stuffy, and I had a sore throat. I pulled my blanket over me, feeling chills all over. I didn't know if it was just me and my rallying body temperatrues, or if my room was actually cold. I sat up with my blanket still curled around me, drawing my knees up to my chest. I felt so miserable...

I wanted to see if Jude would come in to check on me before today's match, so I could get ready to sneak out of here and fight today. I couldn't really say that I felt bad ignoring Jude telling me to rest. I never _actually_ rest, after all.

My door opened. There he was, fortunately, carrying a tray. He was already dressed. "Mornin', darlin'. Ya sleep well?"

I shook my head sadly at him. "No, not really..."

Jude frowned a little. "Aw, Oi'm sorry." He sat down on my bed and thrust the tray in my direction. "Here, more sick people food." He joked.

I took the tray from him and set it in my lap. He brought me another bowl of soup, but this time with crackers and another glass of water (I didn't even drink the first one).

"Zhank you, Jude." I said. I ate the soup willingly this time.

"You're welcome, love" he pulled me close and kissed my cheek. "Oi gotta go now. Match starts in five minutes."

"Okay."

He made his way to the door. "Oi love ya."

"I-I love you, too." Then he was gone.

I took my time eating. Shortly after Jude left, I heard the familiar sounds of gunshots outside. I had to admit, it felt nice to relax, but it did get really _boring_. So after I finished eating, I set the tray on my nightstand and went into my closet for clothes. My usual outfit. I checked myself in the mirror, and played with my hair a little to get rid of my bedhead. When I was satisfied, I looked out of my window, opening my burgundy curtains just enough for me to see.

I just wanted to make sure everyone was still on the field. I closed my curtains and headed down the hall to the weapons room. My Medigun was there, so it must have been fixed. I grabbed it and my Bonesaw and ran onto the field. I was too much in focus of finding anyone on my team that needed help that I ran into Scout. We crashed into each other and fell to the ground.

"Ah, Doc..." Scout rubbed her forehead. She suddenly looked up at me, seeming surprised. "Wait, Doc? Da hell are ya doin' here?! Ponytail said ya weren't supposed ta be fightin' today!"

"Shh, shh, I know zhat! Keep your voice down!" I whispered harshly.

Scout pouted and crossed her arms, then smirked. "Nope, don't think I wanna." She stood up. "Time ta go rat you out!" She started running off.

"No no, please!" I stood up and ran after her. I didn't know if Jude would be disappointed that I didn't follow his instructions, but it would be best if he just _didn't_ find out.

I started feeling light-headed, and slowed my running, dodging a few gunshots here and there surprisingly. My heart was racing, and I found a safe place to rest before dropping to my knees. I panted heavily.

Engineer was nearby setting up a few sentries, and he saw me. "Doc, what's up? You okay?"

"I-I'm fine... I..." My vision blurred, and I fell to the ground. I heard muffled voices of a few teammates, most distinctively Scout, then I passed out right there in the middle of battle.

* * *

I woke up in my bed in what seemed like hours later. I didn't open my eyes right away. I felt like _hell_.

"Hey, Chris. Ya awake now?" Jude spoke softly. He had his hand resting on my chest. I took his hand and held it.

"Did ve win?" I asked sleepily.

"Nah. Besides, everyone was more worried about ya then the match." Jude replied. I felt his other hand stroke my hair. "Glad you're awake now."

The face I made would've been a smile, if I didn't feel so weak. "Vhat happened?"

"Ya fainted. When me an' Engi brought ya to ya room, you were burnin' up." Jude stopped stroking my hair to feel my forehead. "You're cooled off now."

"Oh..." I said. It didn't occur to me until now that I wasn't wearing anything besides my underwear. I felt beyond embarrassed. "Uh, J-Jude, vhere are my clothes?" I looked at him with concern.

"Oi took 'em off ya so you'd cool down." He said simply.

"Did anyone else see me vizzout my clothes on?"

"No, just me" Jude said with a smile.

I sighed in relief. "Oh, zhank goodness."

Jude chuckled. "Ya wanna go back to sleep now?"

"In a little bit, but not right now." I said, closing my eyes again and sniffling. "Jude... Are you mad at me?"

"Huh? Mad?" Jude sounded surprised. "Whoi would Oi be mad?"

"Because... I didn't listen to you..." I said, squeezing his hand.

"No, 'course Oi'm not mad. A little disappointed, yeah, but not mad." He sounded like he meant it. "Wot made ya think that?"

"Vell, I ran into Scout earlier-quite literally-und she made it seem like you vould be mad if she told you I vasn't resting today..."

"Oh, don't listen to her..." Jude's voice darkened.

I yawned.

"Want me to leave now so ya can rest?" Jude asked again.

"I vant to rest, but... C-Can you stay vith me?" I asked shyly.

"Like, lie down with ya?"

I nodded.

"Oi can do that."

His hand left mine, and I heard Jude taking off his boots and walking over to the other side of my bed, and lifing up the covers. He slid in beside me. I snuggled into Jude's chest. I felt safe with him here; protected.

"Now I'm going to get you sick" I joked.

"It's worth it if Oi get to cuddle with ya."

I grinned. I said softly, "Okay, Jude."


	15. Worry

Jude and I slept for a few hours, and we woke up just in time for dinner. I put my hand on Jude's cheek, and leaned in to kiss his lips.

"Mm, hey, Chris..." Jude responded. "Wow, it's late..." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "How do ya feel?"

"Still a little stuffy..." I said.

Jude yawned. "Ya wanna go an' get dinner?"

"Okay" I said. We got out of bed and put on our clothes.

* * *

After dinner, everyone, like usual, went off to do their own thing. I told Jude I wasn't feeling as sick as I was anymore (it wasn't a _complete_ lie), so he could go back to sleeping in his van without worrying about me. He asked me if I was sure, and I insisted I was alright. I walked with him outside until we reached the gate that lead outside of the base. I've been outside of those gates many times before, but for some reason I felt like something was wrong...

"Jude..." I said softly to him as I held his arm.

"Hm?" Jude answered, looking down at me slightly.

"Um... Be safe, okay?" I said, worried.

He gave a small laugh. "My van ain't that far away, Oi'll be fine, love." He kissed my cheek.

"I-I know, but..." I sighed. Once again I let my silly anxiety get to me. There was probably nothing out there. "I vould feel better if I watched you walk zhere... I guess..."

Jude smiled. "Alright." I let go of his arm, and I waved at him as I watched him walk to his van. Once he went inside, I took a deep breath, feeling a little better. I hadn't forgotten about that night... Hans _knows _about Jude and I. He probably didn't even consider the possibility that escaped without anyone's help. I had a feeling he wasn't out to get _me_ anymore, but Jude instead. Or the both of us. Jude said he's afraid of losing me again... But I felt that it would become the opposite.

Or maybe, this wasn't the case at all. And I was just worrying about nothing. At least, that's what I _hope_ it is...

I finally started moving my feet to head back into the base. I kept my eyes on the ground, and I rubbed the back of my neck. I _really_ hoped this was just me worrying too much... I needed to get my mind off of this; off of Jude. When I reached my office, I sat down in my office chair, sighing. I thought about reading a couple textbooks I hadn't picked up in a while to clear my mind. I started reading one of them(completely written in my native language), and it helped for a little while. But the thought kept coming back the more I pushed it away. I finally closed the book and took it with me to the rec room.

I stood in the doorway. The whole team was there, minus Jude and Demoman. Heavy, Soldier, Engineer, and Spy were playing a game of cards, and Pyro was sitting in front of the television set watching some sort of cartoon. Scout was lying on the table in front of the sofa, tossing up a baseball. The old Scout used to do that all the time... I shook my head of the memory and took a seat on the sofa.

Scout was in mid-throw of the baseball when she saw me. "Hey, Doc" The ball hit her on the forehead on the way down, and she made a disappointed noise. She turned her head back to me. "What's up, can't sleep?"

"I guess you could say zhat..." I said with a shrug.

"You alright?" She asked, sitting up.

"I-I'm fine..." I hesitated. I opened my book back up to a random page, and I just stared at it. I didn't want to talk at all.

"No, dere's somethin' wrong, don't shut down." Scout leaned in. "Just tell me, man."

I closed the book and looked at her. Would she even listen? Would she even _care?_ I decided not to tell her too many details.

"I'm just worried... It's nozhing..."

" 'Bout what?" Scout asked. I saw her eyes widen and she leaned in closer. " 'Bout _who?_" she said quietly.

"I-I don't vant to-"

"Aw, come _on_, Doc." She pleaded. Then she whispered, "Is it Ponytail?"

I sighed. "Ja..."

Scout stood up, then. "Is he bein' a dick? 'Cos if he is, I'll bash his head in." She said in a serious tone.

"N-No no, it's not zhat!" I explained nervously.

"Oh..." Scout shrugged and plopped down next to me on the sofa. She crossed her arms. "Den what are ya so worried about?"

I rubbed my arm. "It's just... Somezhing happened a while ago... Und it made him really worried. But now I'm worried about him, because somezhing might happen to him instead."

"Oh..." Scout said. "I don't think ya should worry about him too much. Guy seems pretty tough." She stood up and motioned for me to stand up. "C'mon."

I stood up and she pulled my arm as we walked to the mess hall. Scout let go of me and opened up the fridge.

"Ya know... I think I know what you're talkin' about..." Scout said, pulling out a can of Bonk from the fridge.

"I... I- You do?" I asked, my eyes widening. This happened right after the other Scout died...

"Yeah. Da train ride here was... I think about a day long, so it was really late when I got here. I didn't see what happened, but I heard it."

I was surprised. New members don't get here that quickly, and especially not late at night. I guessed it was just a wrong estimation on Replacement Services' end... I didn't know what to say. Scout opened up her can of Bonk. I leaned against the counter with my hands in my pockets.

"You don't talk much, do ya, Doc?" Scout smiled and mirrored my pose.

I shrugged. "I'm just nervous, zhat's all." I said.

"Just don't worry 'bout him, man. You already got seven o' us ta worry about, too."

That was true. But I didn't worry about my team the same way I worried about Jude. Even though Scout was right, it didn't make me feel any better.

"I'll try..." Is all I said.

Scout sighed. "Look, man. If ya ever wanna talk sometime, just come find me, okay?" She grinned and gave me a playful punch in the arm.

I smiled a little, and my mood lightened somewhat. "Really? Do... Do you mean zhat?"

"Yeah. I may talk a lot, but I'll listen ta whatever ya got ta say."

Even though I hadn't known Scout for a while, I felt comfortable talking to her about what was on my mind. I felt us slowly becoming friends.

"Uh... Zhank you, Scout." I said smiling at her.

"Ah, no problem." Scout took a sip of her drink. "An' please, just call me Alice."

"Oh... Z-Zhank you... Alice. Und you can call me... Chris." I stuck out my hand awkwardly. Alice shook my hand with a surprisingly bruising grip.

"Nice ta meet ya then!" She laughed.

I looked at the clock on the wall above the table. It was just past 9:00. I rubbed my eyes. "Is it zhis late already?"

"Yeah."

"I need to go do some paperwork..." I sighed.

"Oh, alrighty." Alice hugged me, and I blushed, a little surprised at the contact. "See ya later."

"Uh, g-goodbye..." I said, straightening my bow tie and I walked back to my office.

* * *

In my office, I put away my book and opened my medicine cabinet. I scanned its contents until I found my sleeping pills. I popped open the small container and stared at the five pills inside. I was already feeling a little tired, so I didn't want to take_ too_ many... Maybe three wouldn't hurt, and I would just take the other two if I didn't feel any effect. So I took three of them and headed to my room.

My room felt cold as soon as I walked in. Or maybe it was just me again, since I _still_ felt sick. Either way, I turned up the heat. A part of me wished Jude was here with me as I got ready for bed.

I lied under my covers thinking about Jude. I couldn't sleep knowing that he was _alone_, away from all of us. Hans is probably plotting against the both of us right this moment. Coming up with the best ways to end our lives; how to make our deaths as painful as possible. Hans is going for Jude first... Then me. I should've told Jude I was feeling as sick as ever so he'd stay here with me longer...

My mind was flooded with these same thoughts that I heard over and over, and I couldn't silence these voices no matter how hard I'd try. It was almost exhausting trying to win this constant battle I had with myself. These thoughts I had now slowly began mixing in with memories of my childhood, remembering all the people I watched being slain right before my eyes. I felt as if I was back in Germany all over again.

I reunited myself once again with my beloved stuffed bear, and held him tightly, nearly shaking from the fear I had. I took deep breaths hoping that my panic would go away. A few minutes went by and I felt myself calming down. I sighed.

"Oh, Hugo... Vhat am I going to do?"

What felt like hours went by before I finally drifted off to sleep.


	16. Leaving

Last night was horrible. I couldn't sleep because my mind was plagued by terrifying dreams. Enormous blue demons towering over me in the forms of Hans and his Spy, trying to step on me, shred me to pieces. Each time I woke up, I would be sweating, and begging an unknown god to take me back home to my foster parents. I had to leave, and soon. In the morning, I didn't even bother to put on my work clothes and just threw on my fluffy red robe and slippers and headed to the mess hall.

At breakfast, I fell asleep at the table.

"Doc... Yoohoo, Doc, wake up..." a voice said to me, the owner's hands shaking me. I lifted my head from my empty plate.

"Huh...?" I said absentmindedly. I yawned and blinked my eyes slowly.

"You okay?" Alice asked me. She looked worried.

I responded (?) with a sigh. I noticed someone was missing... My eyes widened. Jude wasn't here.

"Vhere is Sniper?" I said, trying to hide the panic in my voice.

Alice laughed a little. "He finished eatin' a while ago."

"Oh..." I calmed down then. I buried my face in my hands. "Mein gott..." I just wanted to go back to bed.

"Ya know, Doc..." Engineer started. "If ya don't feel well again today, you can always go back to sleep."

"N-No, no... I have to get back to vork today..." I said looking at my plate.

"Ya sure? Helen gave ya a few more days off..." He said, hiding his persuasion, but I could hear it.

I didn't know the Administrator gave me more than just those last couple of days. If that was the case, then...

"Actually, I zhink I changed my mind..." I yawned again. I got up and took my plate and utensils to the sink.

Engineer and Alice smiled. "Alrighty, Doc. See ya later. Just be ready to fight when ya feel better. Helen expects it." Engineer said.

I nodded, not really caring at the moment. As I was about to walk out of the door, I turned around. "Um... Vhere is Sniper?" I asked again.

"He said he was gettin' ready, so he's probably in the weapons room." Engineer replied.

"Okay." I said, and I went to the weapons room.

* * *

I found Jude sitting on the bench, cleaning off his sniper rifle. He looked up at me when I came in. He smiled."Hey, sweetheart. Not fightin' today?"

I wrapped my arms around my waist and shuffled towards him. "Yeah. I still feel weak..." I sat on the bench.

He put his rifle down and put an arm around me. "Sleep as much as ya can, okay?"

"Okay." I said, and he kissed my nose. I giggled and blushed.

"Oi'll come see ya an' bring ya dinner. An' then we can just hang out. Sound good?"

"Yes." I rested my head on his shoulder. "Ich libe dich..."

"Oi love ya, too."

I lifted up my head. "No, Jude, I mean I _really_ do."

Jude looked confused. "Uh, yeah? An' Oi _really_ love ya too."

A part of me thought that Jude only said he loved me back because I told him I loved him. I just wanted to make sure that wasn't true.

"O-Okay..." I said. I got up. "I just vanted to say Hi before you left." I headed towards the door.

"Alright. Oi'll be seein' ya." Jude said before I left.

Thank god he was still alive. Just seeing his face made my heart not feel so heavy. When I made my way back to my room, I stripped off my robe and set it at the foot of my bed, and kicked off my slippers. I pulled back my covers, then plopped face-down on my bed, sighing in comfort. I felt so warm under the layers of sheets that I fell asleep again almost immediately.

* * *

When I woke up, it was well past 7:00 pm. I slept for nearly 12 hours, I think. Jude came in just in time. I had left the door open just a little for him.

"Hey, love." Jude opened the door with his shoulder, and he had a tray in his hands.

"Do you need help?" I asked, ready to get up.

"No no, Oi'm fine." He insisted. I settled back into bed.

Jude handed me the tray and he sat in front of me, a good distance away. The dinner consisted of steak, a slice of bread (which I assumed was fresh by the way it looked), and some mixed vegetables, along with a glass of water.

"Danke. Who made dinner zhis time?" I asked Jude, cutting into the steak.

"Oh, it was that Scout." He said.

I was surprised. "Oh really?" Alice could really cook. The steak was delicious.

"Yeah, it's not bad. Everyone is startin' to miss your cookin' though." Jude grinned.

I laughed. "I'll have to zhank her for taking my place, zhen." Then I thought of something... "Jude?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you hate Scout?" I asked.

Jude looked a little confused. "Well, Oi... When Oi said Oi hated her, Oi didn't really _mean_ it..."

"Oh..." I said. "Vell, she really likes you. She thought zhat you two just started off on zhe wrong foot zhat day... She never said she didn't like you." I hoped that would change his mind about her. Alice really wasn't as bad as Jude thought she was.

"She... She likes me? Oi didn't know that.. " Jude looked down with his hands in his lap.

"J-Ja. I vas hoping you two could be friends..." I said, eating the slice of bread.

"Well... If she's friends with ya... Oi guess she can't be all that bad." Jude looked at me and smiled.

"So... You'll talk to her?" I asked, hoping he'd say yes.

"For you, Oi will." Jude said.

"Danke."

I finished eating a few minutes later, and Jude took my plate and tray to the kitchen for me. He came back and sat down in front of me again.

"Did you see Scout?" I asked.

"Yeah. Oi apologized an' she looked at me a little weird at first, but she accepted." Jude said.

Something told me he only apologized to Alice but didn't make an effort to befriend her. That was good enough for me, as long as they didn't _hate_ each other.

"Oh, good" I said.

Jude shifted awkwardly. "So, uh, what do ya wanna do now?"

I crossed my legs and looked at Jude. "Um, Jude... Could I... Brush your hair? Und I vant to talk to you about somezhing..." I asked shyly. I hoped he would be willing to leave 2fort with me. I don't know what I'd do without him.

"Sure. Ya wanna brush all this?" Jude took his hair out of its braid and ran his fingers through it. It had gotten longer, almost to his lower back. I had never seen his hair down before... His golden hair cascaded over his shoulders and the low sunlight from my window gave it a gorgeous glow. He looked beautiful.

"Um... I don't have a brush..." I said, embarrassed I'd been staring.

"Don't worry, Oi got one with me" He pulled out a hairbrush from his back pocket. He handed it to me.

I laughed. What a coincidence. "Do you alvays have one vith you?" I took the brush from him.

Jude turned around. "Sometimes. Oi just happened to have one today."

I took one strand of hair in my hand. It felt slightly damp, and smelled like shampoo. I started at the top of the strand and brushed it all the way down. I did this a few times before moving on to the next one. Jude's hair was thick but felt smooth.

As I brushed Jude's hair, I asked him all sorts of questions, like how today's match went and if we won. Just short conversations here and there. I didn't just want to suddenly ask him if he wanted to leave. I wanted to make him comfortable first.

"Vhat made you vant to keep your hair so long?" I asked.

Jude shrugged. "Oi dunno. Oi got used to it, Oi guess. Might cut it off, though..."

I stopped in mid-brush. I grew so attached to it the more I brushed it. "Vh... Vhy?"

"It gets a little outta hand sometimes..." Jude said.

"Oh..." I kept brushing.

"Whoi, ya like it?"

"O-Of course I do, Jude!" I said quickly. "Vhy wouldn't I? I love it."

Jude shrugged again. "Guess Oi'll keep it, then."

I ran my fingers through his hair. "Jude..."

"Yeah?"

I sighed. Sometimes my thoughts never seemed to rest. "So... About vhat I vanted to ask you..."

"Uh huh...?" Jude sounded worried, which worried me.

"Have you ever thought about leaving? Like, being here, in 2fort?" I closed my eyes. I was nervous. "Do you sometimes just vant to leave?"

I couldn't stop thinking about it. If Jude dies out here, if_ I_ die out here... There is no more respawn. A permanent death. I couldn't exactly say that I_ liked_ respawn, but it was better than being dead forever. I thought about it everyday.

"Y'know... Oi've actually been thinkin' about it..." he answered.

I felt a little relieved to hear that. "Really?"

"Yeah. How long have we been here? Years, Oi think... No one said we _couldn't_ leave, right?"

I opened my eyes. "J-Ja... Zhat's true."

Now I didn't feel so sure about my choice. Did I want to leave 2fort and have to experience a true death? Or did I want to stay here and respawn forever? I felt conflicted. But I had to make up my mind.

"So, what do ya wanna do?" Jude asked me.

I brushed Jude's hair a few more times before setting the brush down. "Let's leave."


	17. Return

I had a sort of nervous excitement about me. Jude helped me pack my suitcase: I took my time folding my clothes while Jude took the sheets off of my bed and... Well, he _tried_ folding them. While I put on some actual clothes I had left out of my suitcase, Jude made a noise that sounded halfway between a laugh and an "aww."

I turned around and saw him holding Hugo. I couldn't speak I was so embarrassed.

"Wot's this?" Jude asked with a grin.

I stopped buttoning up my vest and rushed over to him.

"I-It's nozhing, it's nozhing really..." I gave an awkward smile. I took Hugo out of his hands.

"Ya parents gave 'im to ya?" Jude asked.

I held the bear to my chest and sighed. "Um... I zhink I should tell you zhe truth..."

Jude said nothing, and I continued.

"My parents... Zhey... Are dead. Zhey died a long time ago..." I said sadly, not looking at Jude. I sat down on the now bare matress. "But... My mozher made zhis bear for me vhen I vas born. I've had it ever since."

"Oh, Ch... Chris." Jude put a hand on my shoulder. "Whoi didn't ya tell me sooner? Oi woulda understood."

"I vas embarrassed to tell you. I don't know vhy..." I said.

"It's okay" Jude gave me a hug around my neck. " 'Least ya told me now, right?"

"Right." I said. I got up and stretched. "Vell, let's finished getting zhis stuff packed." I turned to Jude and gave a half-smile, trying to bring back the mood. Jude smiled back.

"So, uh, the sheets are all off the bed" he handed them to me in a stack and I took them.

"Danke. Zhank you so much for helping me." I said. The sheets (and Hugo, which I tucked in a small pocket inside the suitcase) were the last of my belongings. Everything in my room fit into the same two suitcases I brought, which was good. Except for-

"Oh! I forgot about my medical books" I said.

"Ya want me to get 'em?" Jude asked, picking up one of my suitcases.

"Oh, no, I'll get zhem." I left my room briefly to go to my office. In one of my desk drawers, I took out the books from it and set them on top of the desk. I found my pills behind some paperwork in the drawer, and picked them up, examining them. I didn't know if I would need them on our trip, so I just tucked them in my pocket. I just had to remember to control my urges for them around Jude. I took the books off the desk and headed back to my room.

"Uh..." I started.

"Wot?" Jude asked.

"I'm not sure which suitcase has more room for zhese..."

"Oh, Oi'll put 'em in one." Jude reached out his hands and I handed him the books. "Just uh... Go say goodbye to everyone."

That was a good idea. I nodded my head. "Okay" and I headed to the rec room.

In the rec room, the only people I saw were Alice and Pyro. They were sitting on the couch watching (I _guess_ Pyro was watching) television. I leaned in the doorway, and Alice saw me and grinned.

"What's up, Chris?" Alice said, looking at me briefly before going back to the tv.

"Oh, um..." I walked over to the couch and sat on one of the arms. "Herr Sniper und I are leaving."

"Oh, uh, while y'all are out, could ya get me some pancake mix?" She asked.

"No, Alice, I mean... We're really _leaving_. Ve won't be back..." I said a little sadly.

Alice turned her head slowly from the tv to look me straight in the eye. "Ya mean... You guys are quittin'?" She looked beyond disappointed.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Ja. I just vanted to say goodbye."

Alice was silent, and Pyro looked at me and whined.

"Wow, Doc..." Alice got up. "I haven't even known ya for a week an' now you're leavin' me." She gave a weak smile. I stood up, and we looked at each other. Then Alice hugged me and rested her chin on my shoulder. Pyro hugged me as well.

"I'm gonna miss ya, Chris." Alice said.

" 'll mss yu too, Mdc" Pyro mumbled.

"I'll miss both of you." I said softly. Pyro let go of me and so did Alice. Her nose was the slightest shade of pink.

"Remember ta write ta me about you and Ponytail's big gay weddin' alright?" Alice smirked and punched my arm lightly.

I gave a light laugh. "Alright, Alice."

"Ya ready to go?" Jude said, appearing with my bags in the doorway.

I nodded my head. "Ja."

Alice and Pyro hugged me once more before I waved to them and left the room. Jude and I walked down the hallway, and I took one of the suitcases from him.

"You excited?" Jude asked me as we walked outside.

"Ja" I said excitedly.

It was chilly outside, and the lights were on outside of the base. Other than that, it was completely dark.

"Oi'll bring the van around so we can put in the bags." Jude handed me the handle of the other suitcase. "Hold on."

I sat on top of one of the suitcases and waited for him. I looked around... Hans was coming across the bridge. I stood up immediately, completely forgetting about the bags. Fear came back in full force.

"I'm not done vith you yet, Christof." He said.

I started to go back inside, but I felt a pair of hands grab my arms and drag me towards him.

"Gott ver_dammt_, let go of me!" I yelled. Hans appeared in front of me and the Spy shoved me into his chest. The Medic had one arm tightly around my shoulders and his Amputator pressed against my throat. The Spy was nowhere to be found...

"It's nice to see you again" Hans said in such a sweet voice that drove me insane.

I saw the lights on Jude's van in the distance, and he pulled up to the gate.

"Jude! Please, he-"

"Vill you _shut up?!_" Hans pressed the blade harder to my neck. I kept quiet.

Jude looked furious. "Wot in the bloody hell are _you_ doin'?!" He shouted at Hans. He sprinted towards us-

"Nein, Herr Sniper."

Jude stopped in his tracks.

"Come any closer und I'll have to slit his pretty little neck~" Hans growled.

"You bloody bastard... Don't ya fuckin' _dare_ hurt him..." Jude took a step closer.

"Jude..." I whimpered. "Please, just listen to him..." My heart was pounding so fast it was the only thing I heard. I was weak from the neck down.

"Just leave us alone! Wot do ya want with him anyways?!" Jude yelled.

"Vell..." Hans started.."He's fucking gorgeous. Gorgeous enough to fuck."

I saw the pure rage in Jude's eyes as he balled his fists at his sides.

Hans licked my ear and let out a mocking moan. I felt a tear fall out of the corner of my eye. "I zhink he would be even more sexy covered in blood."

"That's_ it_, old man!" Jude darted at Hans, who threw me to the ground. I looked up and saw Hans with his blade raised, ready to swing.

"Jude, _please_..." I cried.

"Shut your mouth, schlampe" Hans snarled at me. He kicked me in the stomach so hard I thought I might vomit.

Jude swatted the Amputator out of Hans's hand and lunged at him, punching him repeatedly in the face. Hans caught one of Jude's wrists, then the other, and twisted his arms behind his back. Jude made a pained sound, but he kicked one of Hans's knees, and I heard the bone shatter. Hans let go of Jude's wrists and fell back onto the ground.

"Ficken! Du Hurensohn!" Hans screamed.

Jude helped me up. "C'mon, let's get outta here!" I hastily got up from the ground and I held onto Jude's hand like a lifeline.

As we ran towards the gate, Hans called out, "Louis! Finish him!"

The next seconds happened so fast. I looked behind me: Louis had caught up to us. And the next thing I knew, his knife was buried deep in Jude's back. His eyes went wide, and his fingers slipped away from mine as he fell face-first to the dusty ground.

"Jude..." I fell to my knees by his side and looked upon him in pure horror. "Jude?" I rolled him over.

He coughed violently. "Chris..."

I pulled at my hair in frustration, on the verge of tears. I felt light-headed, trying to tell myself this wasn't happening.

"Jude, stay vith me..." I said desperately. "Stay awake..."

Jude reached out and rested his hand on my thigh. "Oi don't think Oi'm gonna make it..."

I put my hand over his. "Don't say zhat, _please_..." I was hysterical now.

Jude coughed again. "Listen to me, Chris... Ya gotta get outta here, with me or without-" he wheezed- "Oi don't want ya to stay here. Ya don't deserve it. Don't stay here with these monsters."

"I won't leave, not vizzout you." I raised his hand to kiss it over and over again.

"Ya have to... Do it for me, Chris."

Jude's eyes started to close.

"No, Jude! Stay awake, _please!_" I yelled. "Don't go..."

Jude's eyes were half-lidded. "Please... Remember me..."

I nodded. "I vill. I'll never forget you."

Jude smiled weakly.

"I love you, Jude. I always vill."

"Oi love ya too, Chris..." He breathed deeply. "Always will."

Jude closed his eyes and took his last breath... Then he went completely limp.

Jude was dead.

I didn't know what I felt at that moment. Anger, sadness, frustration, helplessness... Maybe all of them at once. I felt completely useless.

"Zhat's a shame. You could have helped him... If you weren't so _weak_."

I looked up at Hans. His arms were crossed, smirking. I stood up and balled my fists. I wanted to scream at him, kick him, throw him to the ground... But I knew I couldn't.

"You're a monster." I said in a low voice.

"I know I am." He said simply.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle standing here with him...

"Go ahead. Leave. I'm bored vith you now, anyways..." Hans said.

I went to get my bags and headed back to my room. On my way there, Alice came up to me.

"Hey, Chris, I thought you were leavin'?" She asked.

I sighed. "No, I'll leave tomorrow."

"Oh... Where's Ponytail?"

"... He's dead." I said.

Alice's eyes widened. "What?! How'd that happen?!"

"It's... a long story..." I shook my head. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Oh... I- Okay."

I continued down the hallway. When I reached my office, I sat down in my chair and picked up the phone, dialing Replacement Services. The phone rang for a while before someone answered.

"Mann Co. Replacement Services." A man's voice said.

"Um, yes, my team needs a replacement Sniper. Reliable Excavation Demolition, to be exact."

"Right... And what base are you calling from?"

"2fort, sir."

The other line was silent for a moment.

"Alright. Replacement should be there in a week."

"Okay. Zhank you."

Then I hung up.

I buried my face in my hands and sighed. This happened too soon. I felt like I could've done something about it... But I didn't even try. I didn't know who I was more upset with: Myself or Hans and his Spy. All I _did _know was that Jude was dead, and it was _someone's_ fault. I also knew that if I stayed here any longer, I might go insane.

I'd call Helen first thing in the morning and tell her I'm quitting.


	18. Thoughts

I didn't sleep at all. Instead, I just kind of stared out of my office window. The longer I stayed up, the more I thought, "It's my fault." I eventually accepted my self-accusation. I thought, "Maybe there was _something_ I could have done to stop Hans." But I dismissed the thought immediately, because I knew I was weak and useless from the inside out. I thought I would never change. I've never had any confidence, any strength, any self-defense... And it would stay that way. I felt empty, like something deep within me had escaped.

As soon as I saw the orange glow of the sun, I picked up the phone and dialed Headquarters. The phone rang for a while... No answer. I dialed the number again and again until finally...

"Mr. Faust" The Administrator said over the phone. She knew it was me.

"Helen, I'm quitting." I said plainly.

"So you are." She sounded displeased.

"Yes, I am." I confirmed.

"Well, that's too bad" Helen said coldly. "You were the only sane Medic left."

I said nothing.

"A train will be here for you shortly. Your paycheck will be there as well."

"Alright." Then I hung up and dragged my suitcases along with me to the gates of 2fort.

I walked up to the gates and saw Jude's van. His body lay lifeless just feet behind me. I shook my head and carried on. I sat on a bench on the porch just outside the gates and crossed my arms, staring at that van. I felt less and less angry the more I stared at it.

"I'm sorry" I said. It's not like saying that would help anything, but... It made me feel a little better.

"I am sorry as well." I heard someone say next to me. I tore my gaze away from the van to see Louis. I huffed in disgust.

"Leave me alone."

"But I _am_ sorry, Christof." Louis leaned forward just a little, and I scooted away.

"Just go avay, alright?!" I snapped.

"... Will you at least listen to me?" Louis said softly. I glanced at him briefly, then shrugged.

"You see..." Louis hesitated, then he sighed. "You don't know Hans. He manipulates, and tortures, and _brainwashes_... I am under his control. He told me his whole plan to kill zat Sniper, and I followed, because I_ had no control_. I'm here to tell you now zat I am sorry, and I regret it all."

I stared at him, anger slowly rising. "Hans told you to come here und say zhat, didn't he? You zhink zhat lying to me vill make me feel better?"

"Non, monsieur, I'm not lying!"

"Oh? So did Hans also tell you to poison our Scout, disguise yourself as my boyfriend and _make out_ vith Scout to fool me, und zhen_ kill_ my boyfriend?" I stood up.

"Oui, zat is zhe truth!" Louis replied. "But what I am telling you now is my own doing! Hans is not in on zhis!" A tear fell from his eye. "Please believe me..."

I heard the train behind me, and I grabbed my bags. It stopped right in front of me with its doors open. I looked behind me. "Auf Wiedersehen."

I stepped inside the train and the conductor closed the doors.

"Where to?" He asked.

"Boston, Massachusetts, please." My parents had sent me there to go to Harvard.

"Alrighty." I was about to walk away until he stopped me. "Oh! This is for you, Mr. Faust." He handed me an envelope and I took it and tucked it away in my vest.

"Danke" I said, and I walked to the back of the train. I was the only one here it seemed. It was a much nicer train than the one I arrived on: The floors were a glossy red, and the seatings were bright red booths, back to back. Each booth had a red-tinted glass table between them, and the windows were large with burgundy curtains. I took a seat in a booth and set my suitcases on the floor next to me. There was a menu sitting on the table, and a buzzer on the wall behind me. Good thing, since I was getting hungry.

The train started moving, and I pressed the buzzer. A few seconds later, a tall thin woman in a red dress came out of a door (which I didn't know was there) and greeted me.

"Hello, Mr. Faust. Can I help you?" She said.

"Um, y-yes, may I have a plate of bratwurst? Beef. Oh, und a glass of water, bitte." I answered.

"Right away, sir" The woman disappeared back into the door.

While I waited, I took the envelope out of my vest. The envelope itself was an off-white, and the RED logo was stamped on it, along with a watermark that said "Mann Co." I opened it, and $50,000 was inside. I set it on the table and looked out the window. When I ran my fingers over the envelope again, I felt something else in it...

It was a small photo of Jude. I flipped it over. There was writing: **"Jude Taylor: September 1937 - June 1962."**

He looked just as handsome as always. Dark skin, beautiful long blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and a sweet smile on his face. I kissed the photo.

"I love you. I always vill."

I opened the front of one of my suitcases and pulled out my wallet, and stored the money in it, along with the photo. I put my wallet in my pocket and closed my suitcase. Where did that photo even come from? I knew that Helen is an all-seeing eye, and most likely knew about Jude and I's relationship. Was it given to me to make me feel guilty? If so, it did the trick...

The woman came back with my food. "Here you are, sir." She set the plate and the glass in front of me, and some silverware. "Anything else?"

"Uh, not for now, zhis vill be all. D-Danke." I said.

She nodded and left.

I began eating my food and just sat in thought. I'll go back to Massachusetts, buy a house, maybe a car as well, and go back to my old job. It sounded so easy to do, but it was the only plan I had for now. I was lost. I sighed and looked out the window: Miles and miles of empty space that never seemed to end. Dusty red earth against a pale morning sky. My mind drifted into thoughts of how many of the previous mercenaries had died out there; how many had tried to escape before their bodies finally gave up. _They_ most likely died of natural causes, instead of being stabbed in the back by a Medic's puppet...

Then I thought about Louis... I didn't want to believe a word he said, but... He convinced me. Even though I completely ignored his pleas to believe him, and how he didn't _want_ to do all the things he did. Maybe he _was_ just Hans's puppet. Seeing him so distraught this morning made me think: _Maybe he isn't as tough as he seems_. It was a bit of a scary thought to think that someone could control you whenever they wanted. Without Hans by his side... Louis was just an empty shell.

But what did Hans want with _me?_ Looking past all the obnoxious sexual comments, the inappropriate touching, the snarky remarks... His sociopathic tendencies said a lot about what he'd done in the past. If Louis was weak enough to fall under Hans's control... Did he want to do the same to me as well? Maybe the whole BLU team was under his control... But it was just a thought.

The woman came back a while later after I had finished eating.

"Finished?" She asked.

"Ja"

She took my plate. "Anything else?"

"No, zhat's all. Danke." And she left. I stepped over my suitcases to the phone on the wall across from me, and dialed a number.

I might as well call my parents and see what they've been up to. The last time I checked, they were looking to get out of Germany, or at least Berlin. The phone rang for a bit...

"Hallo?" An elderly woman's voice said. I smiled.

"Hallo, Mutter" I said back.

"... Christof?"

"Ja." I said.

"Oh, Christof, mein schatz!" My mother sounded happy. Then we spoke in English. "How have you been?"

"I've been fine. Vhat about you?"

"Wunderbar."

It made me feel better listening to her voice again. I asked her if she and my father found somewhere else to move to. They were thinking of moving to America to stay closer to me. I told them they should. It would be nice, since I missed them so much.

"Schatz, are you on a train?" My mother asked, sounding suspicious.

"Uh... J-Ja, I'm going home." I said.

"... You didn't quit working at zhe pediatrician's office, did you?"

I hesitated. "N-No, of course not!" I assured. If I told my mother about 2fort, she'd be worried sick.

"Vell I am glad you're alright, Christof. Your father is at vork, but I'll tell him you called."

"O-Okay. I'll talk to you vhen I get home."

"Auf Wiedersehen, mein schatz" she said sweetly.

"Auf Wiedersehen" I said, then I hung up.

Now my lack of sleep was catching up to me. I sat back down in my seat. I remember Alice saying her ride from Boston to 2fort took about a day, so I had plenty of time to catch up on sleep.


End file.
